


It's All Coming Back To Me

by fandomtrash2611



Category: Cormoran Strike Series - Robert Galbraith
Genre: Accidents, Aftermath of a Case, Angst, Based on a song, Developing Relationship, Domestic scenes, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Help From Friends, Hypnosis, Love, Memory Loss, Not Beta Read, Sad, Smut, Violence, WIP, Work In Progress, can't think of any more tags rn, cases, conflicted - Freeform, hopeless Robin Ellacott, relationship, restore memories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2019-11-07 05:43:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17954666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomtrash2611/pseuds/fandomtrash2611
Summary: After a heavy head wound due to complications during a case, Cormoran lost some of his memories from the past months. He remembers the basic stuff and that Robin is his partner, but forgot everything else.Now it's Robin's turn to help him remember. Help him remember what was between them. And she surely needs all the help she can get with this.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello folks!  
> Back with another new fanfiction and this is also still a work in progress. It'll take me some time to write and update on this but I can promise you, I try to do it as best as I can.  
> The idea is based on Celine Dion's song "It's all coming back to me now". One of my favs of her. I thought "What would it be like, loosing your memory and trying to remember. What would it be like for your partner?" and that was the spark.  
> I really hope you like this and I'm sorry in advance for any mistakes. This is - like usual - not beta read.  
> Now I'll shut up and enjoy.
> 
> love, Y.
> 
> PS: Due to problems at my home computer, I'll post the credit of this scene and the link to the video that inspired it tonight.

It was  late when  Strike  finally headed upstairs to their flat. He was tired yet wanted to finish this case as soon as possible. But fatigue took its tool. Silently, since Robin was already asleep, he got into their bedroom and sat on his side of the bed. Robin was still a bit angry at him but at least he wasn’t sleeping on the sofa anymore. He loved her, he really did. Sometimes she just drove him nuts. He got rid of his leg and lay down, looking at Robin who had turned to him in her sleep. He watched her and tried to sleep but his thoughts kept him awake. It was late when his phone beeped. Immediately he looked at it. A text from Shanker. Brilliant! Strike silently got up again and  left Denmark Street  to  me e t up with Shanker in front of a huge apartment building. It was raining and cold so Cormoran had put up the collar of his coat and had buried his hands in his pockets to keep warm. 

“Shanker”, he greeted his old friend.

“Bunsen.”

The two men looked a while at the entrance and waited.

“He hasn’t left yet?”, Strike asked while tossing his cigarette away.

“No. He’s still here. Shall we go in?  Interrogate him?”

“We need more evidence that he did it.  We have to search his flat.”

For a few weeks now, Strike was trailing a man that was supposed to be a murder suspect. Wardle had officially hired him and Robin in the name of Scotland Yard but there was still some evidence missing that he had killed the woman  and was somehow connected to them.  Since Strike had found out what the man had done, he had avoided to let Robin do the job. She had been angry about it and the whole argument had ended in a rough fight. He had spent that night on the sofa. Usually Robin wasn’t like this but since they were a couple, she seemed even more to be afraid that something would happen to him. Same with himself, he confessed  silently.  This case was important but also dangerous so he hadn’t let her argue and just ordered her to stay away instead ,  which had got him nothing except another night on the sofa. He loved Robin but sometimes she was just so stubborn . She sometimes was to careless about her healt  and  he had the feeling, that she  got herself into dangerous situations  deliberately just to prove that she was capable of dealing with the job . He just wanted to keep her safe and not lose her through some stubborn mistake. It made him nuts to argue with her but that’s what it was, he thought. All the ups and downs in a relationship. And he knew, that it was just because she wanted him to be safe, like he did. Strike tried to shove the thought away and concentrate on this case instead. Shanker waited with him and they thought about how to get more evidence when their suspect left the building. Perfect!

Strike looked at Shanker and both of them inconspicuous made their way to the  entrance . Strike expertly opened the door while Shanker was keeping an eye out for anyone to come. 

“I’ll search the flat, you keep an eye out”, Strike said while he got in.

Their suspect lived at the 4 th  floor and like usual  in those buildings,  the elevator was broken so it took him some time to get upstairs.  He has had some troubles with his leg again.  When he made it to the flat, once more picked the lock and let himself in. The flat was small and only furnished with the most necessary items. Cormoran looked through the whole flat but couldn’t find a thing. He made a last attempt at the desk and found some pictures of the woman that had been killed. It showed her and their suspect arm in arm, he kissed her cheek. They looked happy. But then  Cormoran  found more pictures of women and him, arm in arm. At dinner. On a boat trip. And finally, he found the evidence they needed. All the women were tied up, bruises and cuts all over their naked bod ies . It was disgusting.  Cormoran  wanted to shove the pictures in his coat pocket when a strong arm suddenly was holding him  from behind  and pressed against his throat.

“What are you fucker doing here?”, he heard the man. “You’re sniffing around, are you?” The grip got tighter and Cormoran struggled but couldn’t get free. “Bastard!” 

He gasped for air and then hit his elbow in the other man’s stomach who cursed and let go a bit. Strike got free and managed to block the heavy hit the other man throw at him but failed to block the kick against his leg. Howling in pain he got down  on his knees  and the other started to hit him  violently, shouting.  In the stomach, in the balls, in the face. Always in the face.  Cormoran  tried to get up and protect himself, but it was useless. His attacker was brutal and precise with his hits.  A bit dizzy he got down and the other man kicked him now. Heavy kicks in the stomach and the face again. He couldn’t defend himself or avoid them properly. He was all over him. He just put his arms up and tried to not let him hit him a gainst  the head anymore. A heavy kick landed against his hands and the other man pulled them away and hold them down with his foot, pushing down. Cormoran cried out in agony before he heard a loud breaking noise. His arm... Then another kick hit him at the temple and he got down for good. The world started spinning, there was blood everywhere. The man grabbed him and  pulled him to his feet. Strike stumbled over his feet and against a wardrobe. 

“Come here you fucker!”, the other man grumbled and pulled him through the flat. 

Cormoran’s  world was spinning, his thoughts going wild. How did this happen? What about Shanker? His head hurt, blood was dripping down his eyebrow into his eye. He struggled but the man just punched him in the ribs and pulled him farther down the corridor, to the door and finally  got him outside  the flat.

“Goodbye mister police officer”, he said and with a last heavy punch Cormoran stumbled back and down the stairs. He was falling and falling. Every time he hit the stairs it hurt. Pain was the only thing his brain let in and then darkness. 

It was  late at n ight when Robin woke up by the doorbell. Drowsy she sat up and fumbled for the light at the bedside table. The bed beside her was empty. Where was  Cormoran ? The doorbell rang again. She got up and opened only to find someone banging at the door to the attic flat a few moments later. 

“Who is it?”, she asked.

“It’s Wardle. Robin, open up!”

She did and in front of her stood the DI. Hair a mess, dark circles under his eyes. He got inside and Robin wasn’t quite sure what was going on. He looked distressed, nervous and yet angry.

“What’s wrong?”, she said.

“It’s Strike. He’s in hospital.”

“What?!”

Immediately all the tiredness was gone and Robin was wide awake. How could he be in hospital?  “ What happened?”

“I don’t know what happened yet but he was found nearby the flat of our murder suspect Robertson. He’s badly injured. I don’t know how he is. I just got the call from a friend at the station who was called to the crime scene. Will you come?”

“Give me a minute.”

Robin hurried back to their bedroom. She wore a light negligee.  She  didn’t bother to change  and  slipped into the dress she had worn the day before and that lay on a chair by the bed. She didn’t even bother to close the zipper.  Robin  hurried outside, took her coat and keys and left with Wardle. They both got to the Charing Cross hospital where they had brought Strike. Wardle asked at the information for the Detective. 

“Sorry Sir, we can’t give you any information yet. He’s still in surgery.”

“Surgery?”, Robin gasped by his side.

“Are you Mr Strike’s wife?”

“She is”, Wardle said because he knew that they’d get more information this way.

“What happened?”, Robin asked the other woman.

“He was found at the end of a stairwell, beaten up, blood everywhere, unconscious and with a heavy head wound. His pupils were dilated which means he had a bleeding so we immediately got him into surgery. I can’t say more at the moment or how long it’ll take but you can wait if you want.”

Robin nodded and Wardle guided her to a seating group with some grey plastic chairs. She had started shaking so the DI tried to calm her down.

“It’s going to be fine Robin. He’ll make it.”

She nodded and he took her hands. Robin clung to them and prayed silently.  _ Please god, let him live. Let him be alright. I need to apologise. I need to tell him I love him. _  She started crying. What had he done out at this time of night? Who had he met? What had gone wrong? Had Shanker been at his side? Shanker... Robin got up, excused herself and called Shanker.

“Robin?”, he picked up, sounding quite worried and disorientated. 

“Shanker. Do you know what happened?”

“I just heard of it. I’m so sorry Robin. I was there. I looked out but this bastard hit me with something and when I woke up, there was the police and an ambulance and got someone away. I had no idea it was Bunsen until I got back to my boys. They told me. I’m truly sorry Robin.”

“Are you alright?”, she said fully knowing that he wasn’t to blame.

“Just a small laceration. How’s Bunsen?”

“He’s still in  OR . I don’t know what’s going on. I haven’t seen him”, she mumbled and tried not to cry. “I’m worried Shanker.”

“Don’t be love”, he said reassuring. “He’s a tough bastard. He’ll make it.”

Robin laughed and dried her tears that slipped over her face.

“Shall I come over?”

“That’ d be lovely  Shanker but I don’t think  it’s  a good idea. Wardle is here.”

She knew that he avoided the Detective as best as he could and she knew that Wardle deliberately saw away when it came to Shanker. She was thankful for it.

“Alright. Call me if you need anything or  have news of h im, okay?”

“I will. Thank you Shanker.”

She hung up and returned to Wardle. Curiously he looked at her but she stayed silent and sat beside him again. Robin was cold and she felt alone, even though he was here. Without a word, he slipped out of his jacket and put it over her shoulders. 

“Thank you”, Robin mumbled. 

The hours passed and it was morning again. Wardle looked at his watch. Why did they take so long?

“Don’t you’ve to go to work?”, she asked.

“It’s fine. They know I’m here. I’ll stay.”

“Thank you for being here”, Robin mumbled tired at his shoulder. 

About half an hour later a doctor stepped to them.

“Mrs Strike?”, he asked and apparently Wardle’s plan had worked.

“How is he?”, she asked and stood up.

“When he arrived, he had a broken wrist; various bruises and a CT showed a light swelling of the brain and some bleeding. We immediately took him to the OR but due to the swelling it took more time to locate the bleeding and stop it. We put him in an artificial coma to recover. We can just hope he’ll wake soon and all is fine. We can’t say more to his current state. I’m sorry.”

Robin’s world started to spin. She felt as if the ground was ripped from her feet and she was falling. Wardle saw that she swayed and held her before sitting down with her again.

“Can we see him?”, Wardle asked for her.

“We got him to ICU. It’s not usual that we allow visitors that early”, the doctor explained. “But I can make an exception for you two. Just come over when you feel ready”, he said with a concerned look at the young woman.

“Thank you Doctor”, the DI said and the man left them while Robin stayed silent. 

Some tears rolled down her face and her world seemed to crumble apart. What if he’d never wake up? Fear took over and she had a panic attack.

“Hey hey... Robin, look at me”, Wardle said and made her look at him. “He’s going to be fine. He’ll wake up soon and all will be well.”

“I can’t lose him”, Robin mumbled while he pulled her into an embrace to calm her down. 

“You won’t.”

What if he was wrong? What if she would lose him? The panic rose once more and she felt as if she couldn’t  breath .  She started gasping for air and tears rolled down her face.

“Robin, calm down. Breath. Come on. In and out...”

She concentrated on his breathing and it helped. When she was calm again, he looked at her and smiled a little.

“Now come on. Let’s go and see him.”

He stood up and she took the hand he offered her. Both headed upstairs where the Doctor let them in and led them to Strike. Wardle waited by the door to give them some privacy. Robin stepped to Strike. There where tubes and cables everywhere and a steady beeping was the only sound in the silence of the room. He was pale and had bruises on his body and especially face. One eye was completely swollen shut. There was a bandage around his head and an ugly cut on his face. She started crying silently before she carefully let a finger slide over his arm. 

“Please wake up soon”, she mumbled. “I can’t lose you.”

She leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against his cheek. Wardle stepped to her and put a hand softly on her arm. 

“Come on. We should get home, you need to rest.”

“I don’t want to leave hi

m.”

“He’s in good hands. Come on. Just a few hours of sleep. I’ll get you back here if you like later”, he promised.

“Why are you doing this?”, she asked. 

“He’s a good friend and I promised him to take care of you if something would happen to him.”

“He knew then”, she mumbled.

“No, he didn’t. He was just worried. He cares Robin.”

“But just an hour”, she said realising how tired she was. 

“Alright”, he promised and got her back to Denmark Street. “I’ll pick you up later. I got to pop into the office for a moment.”

“Thanks Eric”, she said and he left.

Robin got upstairs and to his flat. Their flat, she reminded himself and smiled sadly. It felt lonely without him. Robin tried not to think of it and got to the bathroom. She needed a shower.  Quickly she  stripped and  mechanically  showered.  Trying to avoid all thoughts of him and memories that popped into her head.  The doorbell rang when she got out, so she quickly put a towel around herself and headed to open. It was Shanker. Without thinking she hugged him and some more tears rolled down her face.

“Are you alright?” he asked before holding her at arm's length to look at her. 

“I’m just happy to see you. Are you alright?”

“I am. How’s Bunsen?”

“He’s in an artificial coma after having brain surgery. I hope he’ll wake soon.”

“Shit”, he mumbled. “I’m sorry Robin. I should have...”

“No, don’t blame yourself Shanker. There’s nothing you could have done. And he knows that as well.”

“Will you get back to the hospital?”

“Yes.”

“Shall I get you there?”

“That would be lovely”, she said. “I’ll just get dressed”, she said and blushed only now realising that she wore nothing more than her towel. 

While she was in their bedroom, she quickly texted Wardle that she’d get to the hospital earlier and he didn’t need to pick her up, thanked him for his help though. Robin dressed in some jeans, t-shirt and a cosy pullover, slipped in her boots and put her wet hair up into a ponytail. Shanker already waited for her when his phone rang. Immediately he picked up. 

“Yes... Alright. Thanks. Keep an eye out.”

He hung up again, looking at her. She had dark circles under her eyes and looked exhausted. 

“Let’s go”, he said and smiled a bit. 

Robin took her coat and purse and left with him. He got her to the hospital where she headed upstairs again and found the Doctor soon.

“Mrs Strike you’re back already!”, he said stunned. 

It felt weird hearing people say his name and meaning her. It also felt weirdly intimate and a thought that was buried in the deeps of her brain, started to bloom again. She shoved it away and concentrated on why she was here in the first place.

“I’m sorry to bother you but... Can I stay with him? Please.”

“We usually don’t do this but alright.”

“Thank you so much”, she said and he got her to him again. 

The next weeks stayed the same. Robin managed the office and visited him as often as she could. He stayed in ICU and didn’t woke up what worried her. It was late on a Friday night when Wardle visited her in Denmark Street. Robin sat over some files when he knocked and entered. The young woman looked up and smiled a bit when she saw him.

“Hi Robin”, he said and  closed the door behind him .

“Hi. What are you doing here?”, she wanted to know. 

“I’ve good news”, he said while sinking on the sofa. “We got this fucker who got Strike into hospital.”

“That’s good news”, Robin said, quite relieved that he would finally be behind bars. 

“How’s Strike, has he woken up yet?”

“No.. .  That worries me a bit  to be honest ”, she said. 

“What did the doctors say?”

“That it’s normal and takes time.”

“Well then you should wait. Give him some more time.”

“It’s so hard Eric. I.... I sometimes think that he won’t wake up ever again. That I lost him.”

“You don’t. He will wake up Robin. He’s strong.”

She had a rough headache for days now. Tired she massaged her temple and tried to concentrate on the files again. She hadn’t slept proper in weeks. Most of the time s he just had s hort naps on the sofa or  slept  a few hours at night. Wardle saw that she struggled with the office and Strike’s situation. He had offered her to help but she had denied. 

“You should get some sleep.”

“I’ve to finish this first”, she said.

“Did you have dinner?”

“Eric, I’m fine. Stop worrying.”

“I promised him to keep you safe and that implies healthy as well.”

“I have some pasta left from last night.”

“Then eat it and get some sleep, okay?”

“I will. Thank s for coming over  Eric.”

He left again and Robin continued with her work before she fell asleep on the desk. 


	2. Chapter 2

Early in the morning Robin woke and headed upstairs to the flat to take a quick shower and  get  dress ed . She had a few meetings with some clients in the afternoon so she decided on a black and decent dress  before she  quickly had a cup of tea  and left  for the hospital again. The nurses knew her and just smiled when she headed to him. Like usual she sat beside his bed, silently working on some files for the office while talking to him now and then. She held his hand in hers and looked at him. Strike had a beard and his wounds were nearly healed, he had lost weight and the earlier inflammation on his leg was gone. 

“I miss you”, she then mumbled. “ I miss you during work, talking about cases. Late night observations by your side. Watching you while there’s a match on TV or trying to get home in time on Saturday to catch it. Sleeping by our side and waking up just to find you snoring”, she laughed a sad laugh and wiped away some tears with her hand. “Evenings at the pub... I miss you. All of it. All of us. Please...  Please wake up  Cormoran .”

The stress of the last weeks and the tiredness made her feel helpless and alone. Robin started crying silently and looked at their entwined hands. She felt his hand flex. No, it was probably just her imagination. But then she felt it again. A slight move. Just a slight brush of his fingers with hers. Robin looked up and saw that he  slowly  woke up. Excited and worried she didn’t know what to do and just watched when he slowly woke and looked around until his eyes rested on her .  He tried to say her name, but it wouldn’t work.

“Robin”, he mumbled after a few tries in a raspy voice.

“Cormoran.”

He could hear the excitement and worry in her voice and he wondered what was going on. Why was he here? 

“What....”

“You had an accident  d uring a case”, she just explained and held his hand.

She didn’t want to let him go, but knew she’d have to tell someone  that he was awake. 

“Nurse!”, she shouted and immediately the doctor hurried to them. 

Delighted the other man saw that he was awake and smiled at Robin. She caressed his cheek slightly and cried again. She could see the confused look on his face.

“How are you feeling?”, the doctor asked and immediately looked at him.

“Tired”, he mumbled again. “Thirsty.”

“Oh yes... Get him some water”, he ordered the young nurse, who had followed him to their patient, hurrying away now while Robin still held  Cormoran’s hand. “Do you remember what happened?”

The doctor checked his pupils and his reactions when he was supposed to follow the light and his finger. All seemed  to be  fine. 

“Robin told me I had an accident. I just remember I was in this apartment building. Stairs... Lots of stairs”, Strike said while he tried to remember all of it. “And a man. He found me in a flat. I was searching for something.”

“Do you remember anything else that happened that day or the days before?”

Strike tried but there was nothing. He had no idea. Also, why was Robin holding his hand? Why had she caressed his cheek? She would never do this...  They were just partners!

“What is it?”, Robin asked the doctor when she could see  the man’s concerned  face. 

Something was wrong. What was it? Had he some permanent brain damage? The uneasy feeling in her stomach returned. 

“Mr Strike we need to get you to the CT to check  on you.  Please wait here”, he ordered and then two nurses rolled the bed with him outside.

Robin waited impatiently for him to return and got more and more nervous. What was wrong with him? When the doctor returned, she could see that Strike looked at her s till  confused.  The other man guided her a few feet away so they could talk.  Strike  carefully watched them. 

“What’s wrong Doctor?”, she asked silently .

“Nothing. Everything seems to be fine. The only thing that’s wrong is the memory loss. He forgot about stuff. Not just from that day but from the month before that as well. His old memories are there. Stuff from his childhood, his youth, his time at the army. He remembers you, but just as his assistant, not his wife.”

“How can we get his memories back ? ”

“Slowly. He will remember eventually. But it takes time. Show him pictures, tell him about old stuff but don’t push him. Make him remember but slowly. It can also happen, that he won’t remember some things. There maybe will be some memories he will never know he had.”

Robin was shocked. He didn’t remember them, she thought.  So  she had lost him in some way. Shoving her worries away  and trying her hardest not to panic,  she  simply  nodded. 

“We’ll probably get him into another room tomorrow when he’s  stable  overnight. Shouldn’t take long now for him to leave”, he smiled softly but Robin just nodded again. 

There was a sting in her heart. What if he didn’t want her anymore? Now that he had the chance to start new and get out of this. Telling her that getting together was a mistake .  Kicking her out with nowhere to go? A small voice in her head told her to shut up and just see what happens while another one was still afraid. The doctor left them alone and Robin sat back on the chair by his bed while Strike still looked at her somehow confused. 

“Why are you here?”, he asked her. “You should be at home. With Matthew.”

“Matthew?”, she asked shocked. 

“Your husband”, he clarified while letting go of her hand. 

Robin felt hurt. He still thought she was married to this... to Matthew. She tried not to cry again and just softly explained to him what had happened with Matthew.

“You don’t remember?”

“What should I remember?”, he asked.

“Matthew and I broke up about 8 month ago. The divorce is already through”, she said, not mentioning what was going on between them.

She didn’t want to push him. Not yet. Astonished about this he looked at her. 

“That’s.... I’m sorry. I don’t remember”, he mumbled.

“It’s fine”, she said. 

“Tell me what else did I forgot that’s important?”

There was a lot. Especially a lot between them, but she stayed silent. 

“Tell me”, he once more demanded.

“Not today. You should rest. One step at a time Cormoran”, she said and kissed him on the forehead. “I gotta go. Appointment with some clients”, she lied since the meeting with her clients wasn’t due until  this  afternoon.

“Will I see you tomorrow?”

“I’ll come”, she promised and then left. 

She made it outside before she collapsed on a chair and started crying. He had forgotten everything. Their first kiss, the time she moved in. All the adventures together. All the nights they had shared. 

“Robin?”, she heard a familiar voice and looked up. 

“Shanker? What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see Bunsen. What happened?”

“He woke up. It’s fine Shanker. He’s fine.”

“Then why are you crying?”, he asked and sat at the chair beside her. 

“He...” She took a deep breath. “He lost his memories due to the trauma. He remembers all the old stuff, like his time at the army. He remembers me as well but in his memory I’m still the secretary.” Robin cried again. “I...  I lost him Shanker. I don’t know what to do.”

He was shocked as well. He felt for her. This must be hard.

“Shall I talk to him?”

“No... I... We have to take it slow Shanker. Please don’t push him.”

“Alright. If you need any help with this, just let me know.”

“Thank you Shanker. I... I should go. I need to go back to the office.”

“Bye Robin.”

After the young woman had left, Shanker headed inside and to Strike.

“Bunsen”, he said quite happy that his friend was awake.

“Shanker”, the Detective said happy to see him as well.

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Confused.”

“I saw Robin outside. She told me. You don’t know anything from the last months?”

“Just small bits and pieces.”

“I’m sorry mate.”

“I... Robin told me she and Matthew broke up?”

“They did. Months  ago ...”, Shanker said surprised , having no clue that it was this bad. 

“What did I miss? I’ve the feeling that there’s something going on I’ve no clue about.”

“Nah, you’re imagine things”, Shanker lied since he had promised Robin not to push him. 

“I hope I can get out soon. The office...”

“Robin’s doing fine. She can manage Bunsen. She’s a strong woman.”

“I’m glad I have her as my partner.”

“You should. She’s an amazing woman.”

Shanker quickly updated him about a few things and especially what had happened that night of the accident before he once more left.

Robin quickly updated Ilsa and Nick about  Cormoran’s  situation and both where happy to hear that he was awake  and well.

“You seem sad though”, Ilsa said over the speaker  her husband had turned on . “Is something wrong?”

“He... He lost some of his memories from the last months. I... He doesn’t know we got together or what happened that night he had the accident. I don’t know how to deal with it Ilsa. I... He forgot all that happened. What if he says that all this was just a mistake before? What if he doesn’t want me anymore?”

“Don’t think about this Robin. I know him too well to know that he won’t back up. He loves you. Still. The loss of his memories won’t change his feelings.”

“I’m not so sure Ilsa. I... I’m just afraid everything we had will go away.”

“ Ils  is right”, Nick said. “He  stil  loves you and he can’t ignore his feelings.”

“You just have to make him remember Robi n  and all will be fine again.”

“Thank you”, Robin said to the other woman that had become a close friend over the last years. 

“If you need anything, just call yeah?” , Nick said as well. 

“I will. Thanks  guys. I  gotta  go. Clients.”

Robin hung up and headed to the office. She tried to concentrate on some case files, but her thoughts kept drifting to  Cormoran . All this was a mess. How would he react if he realised that they were living together? Robin was afraid  of  his reaction. Afraid how they’ll go on. If they’ll go on. Her thoughts got interrupted by their first client arriving and Robin was busy the whole afternoon. 


	3. Chapter 3

_ Three Days Later _

Cormoran  waited in his room for Robin to pick him up. She had promised.  The waiting seemed to be endless for him. He wanted to get out of here. He hated hospitals and lately both of them had spent too much time in them, Strike remembered. And since his leg, he avoided them as best as he could.  It was Midday when she  finally  arrived and got him home to Denmark Street. He felt weak and the doctors had told him that it was due to the long time he had been in the coma. They took a cab. It had started raining again and it was way too warm in the small space of the cab. He could feel that there was a slight tension between them but  Cormoran  had no clue why. Did they have a fight that evening? What was going on? Silent they arrived and Robin payed the cabbie. She got the mail before they headed upstairs to the office. She put away the mail and then got him to his flat. Confused he realised that she had a key to his flat. Must have some reason he gave it to her. She hung up her coat by the door where his usually sat as well. Then she got his bag to the bathroom to put on the washing machine. Startled he watched her before he sat on the small sofa by the window. He had a slight headache. Something that could happen, the doctors had told him as well. Robin need to keep busy or she would break down. She started to clean the few cups she had used the last days. Sadly, this work just kept her hands and not her mind busy.  Cormoran  wondered why she was doing this? What was going on?

“Robin, what are you doing? You don’t have to clean up. I can manage.”

“I... I need to keep busy”, she mumbled and felt a new sting in her heart.

After a while Cormoran headed downstairs to the office and sat at his desk to work, but he couldn’t concentrate. Strike looked in his desk drawer for some cigarettes and finally found some. He lit one up, opening the window and smoked while trying to remember what had happened over the last months. There where snippets from cases, dinners and Robin. Always Robin. Robin on late night observations, when they were at Ilsa and Nicks’, dinner with her, Robin in the office, asleep on the sofa. His headache seemed to get worse. After a while Robin got downstairs to check on him since she was still worried. 

“Cormoran?”, she said softly while entering his office. 

He sat in his chair and smoked, massaging his temple. He looked up and smiled at her. 

“Are you alright?”, Robin wanted to know and he could hear the worry in her voice. 

“I’m fine. ”

She sat on the chair opposite him and waited. Strike scrutinized her  again  before he found the courage to tell what was  o n his mind. 

“ Robin I... I have the feeling that you’re lying to me. There’s something going on I have no clue about. What is it?”

“I don’t... The doctor said I shouldn’t push you”, she mumbled and kneaded her hands in her lap.

“Please talk to me.”

The young woman  knew that it wouldn’t do any good to tell him.  What would happen if she would show him instead? Robin  got up and stepped around the desk beside him. Strike just watched her, confused and a familiar feeling in his stomach. He usually felt like this when Robin was this close. But he knew that it could never happen. She was his partner and friend. Nothing more. She let her fingers glide over his cheek and his beard, smiling sadly. He closed his eyes and gave into the feeling. When he opened his eyes  once more , she leaned down. He knew what she was about to do.

“Robin don’t... We shouldn’t”, he mumbled.

It hurt her. It hurt her like when Matthew admitting that he had slept with Sarah Shadlock. Like when the knife Laing had, slide into her flesh. She hesitated. Not sure what to do. Go on or leave it? She could see the look of worry and confusion on his face and finally let go. She apologised and headed out again. Fuck... Cormoran let out a sight. They had nearly kissed! He knew that his feeling got deeper for his partner than they should but he also knew that it was wrong. He wasn’t right for her. 

Robin headed upstairs into their flat again, heading to the bedroom and sinking on the bed. She curled up and held his pillow that still smelt familiar like him. Tears streamed down her face and there was the feeling of doubt again. Doubt that he’d want her. He had shoved her away. They shouldn’t do this... The first time they had kissed, had been during a late observation. Without thinking she had bend over and had pressed her lips against his and he had responded. Not shoved her away. He had asked her if this was right, if she really wanted this, but that was it. No hesitation. No doubts. No “We shouldn’t do this”. Now everything seemed to be different. Robin cried silently when she heard heavy footsteps on the stairs. Cormoran. She didn’t care if this was inappropriate when he saw her like this. She just stayed in their bed, his pillow pressed to her chest. She heard him enter the flat and some noise in the kitchen before his footsteps came her way. The door opened and he was truly shocked to see her in his bed. 

“Robin! I... I thought you’ve gone home.”

She cried some more when he finally sat beside her on the bed, carefully stroking a curl of her hair away. He saw that she was sad and exhausted and something was wrong. Was it because of his reaction? What was going on? Why was she in his flat and in his bed?

“Please tell me what’s going on”, he mumbled and put  a  hand on her arm.

Robin got up. She had to go away. She headed to the wardrobe and grabbed some clothes she shoved in a bag while he watched. 

“I’ll move to Ilsa’s for a few days. I need some time. I’m sorry Cormoran”, she said and after that, got to the bathroom to grab her stuff and left without another word.

She felt horrible, alone, sad and as if she had betrayed him by her behaviour but she just needed to adjust to the situation. To work out how things would go on from now on. To work out how she could live with that. His rejection. Half an hour later she stood crying in front of the house of their friends. Nick quickly got her in when he saw her like this. She was soaking wet from the heavy rain . 

“ Ils !”, he called his wife while taking the bag from her.

Immediately Ilsa showed up and was shocked as well. What had happened? The lawyer guided her into the kitchen and made her a cup of tea while Nick got her a blanket, he wrapped around her. Both of her friends stayed silent before they sat at the kitchen island and had a hot cup of tea. Robin had calmed down a bit but there were still some tears that rolled down her face. 

“What happened Robin?”, Ilsa then wanted to know. 

“I can’t do this”, she mumbled. “He doesn’t want me. I know it.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

“He shoved me away. He... For him I’m still just his partner. “

“Robin, he will remember”, Nick said softly. “Give him some time.”

Only now she realised that all this was stupid. She had to calm down and go back to him. To sort things out.

“I’m sorry... I... This was stupid.  Running away.  I guess I’m just tired.”

Nick’s phone interrupted them and he picked up.

“Hey  Oggy , what’s up?”, he asked in a neutral tone. “Yes...  Yes  she’s here. Alright... Sure if you want to. Yes... Chinese  sounds  brilliant. Sure... Alright, see you.”

“Cormoran?”, Ilsa asked her husband.

“He’s worried about you”, Nick said to Robin. “He’ll pop by for dinner. Chinese food.”

“Sounds good”, Ilsa said and smiled. “Come on Robin. We’re here. We can sort this out together.”

“Thanks”, the young woman mumbled and Ilsa hugged her.

“All will be fine. Just don’t give up, okay?”

Robin nodded and drank her tea while Nick got the table ready for dinner and Ilsa kept her company. 

“You should get changed. Your clothes are still wet and you’ll catch a cold like this.”

“ Yes.. .  Probably”, she mumbled and headed to the bathroom to get changed and dry her hair.

“She looks horrible Nick”, Ilsa mumbled when the young woman had left them for a minute.

“She’s tired. You know she managed the office alone over the past weeks. It’s taken its tool. She just needs a break and they need to sort everything. I’m sure it’s going to be fine.”

“Still I understand her reaction. It must hurt after everything they’ve been through to get together in the first place. You remember how stubborn Corm was. It wasn’t easy and now this...”

Nick pulled her into his arms and kissed her hair. He had no clue how he’d react if something like this would happen to them. He understood why Robin had lost herself in all this. 

“We have to help them as good as we can”, Ilsa mumbled at his shoulder. 

“Yes, and we will. I’m sure all will be fine soon.”

Robin soon returned from the bathroom, dressed in a nice dress for dinner. Her hair was curly and she had put on a light make-up to get rid of the traces of her crying. Ilsa got her into the kitchen to open the bottle of wine with her and work on a plan how to get  Cormoran  to remember. Half an hour  later,  the doorbell rang and immediately Robin got nervous again. 

“Just keep calm. All will be fine”, Ilsa said and took her hand for a moment while Nick got and opened the door.

“It’s so good to see you Oggy!”, they heard him in the hallway.

“It’s good to see you as well. How are you?”, Cormoran wanted to know.  “I hope hungry”, he said and hold up the few bags of food.

“Definitely”, Nick said and took them from him while  Strike  slipped out of his coat and hung  it  on one of the hooks on the wall before he followed his friend into the kitchen. 

There she was, beautiful like always. Ilsa sat beside her and held her hand. He could feel the distance and tension between them, see her sadness and confusion. Ilsa let go of her hand and stepped to him, hugging and kissing him on the cheek to greet Cormoran.

“It’s so good to see you Corm. How are you?”

“I’m good. Slight headache, but good.”

Ilsa smiled at him while she could see the looks his friend gave his partner. She looked to Robin who slightly nodded and Ilsa an Nick left them alone while setting up dinner. Cormoran slowly stepped closer and took her hand in his. She could see the caution and regret in his eyes. 

“I don’t know what’s going on exactly. It’s something between us that I can’t remember and I’m so sorry for it. I’m trying to... I do, but I just can’t.”

“Cormoran...”

“Just, let me”, he interrupted her. “I know that something ’s  going on. I’m no idiot. But I can’t completely figure out what and how it happened. Will you... help me with this? I really want to remember. I want to figure out what’s missing and I’m truly sorry if I offended you in any way. I would never hurt you deliberately Robin.”

“I know that and I’m sorry as well. I overreacted. All this is a bit much at the moment. I...”

Robin had no clue what to say. She was just tired and felt alone.

“I will ask you some things now and will you answer honestly?” She nodded. “Did you move in with me?” Robin nodded. “Did you move in after you broke up with Matthew?” She nodded again. “Did we...?” She blushed and nodded. “Did we have... more?”

“More?”, Robin asked confused.

“Dinner’s ready!”, Ilsa said cheerful and stepped to them. 

Robin was happy to go away for a bit even though he hadn’t done anything wrong. She let go of his hand and followed Ilsa to the dinner table. Cormoran sighed and followed them, sitting beside her. The dinner was tense and Robin felt uncomfortable. The “more” was still between them and even Nick and Ilsa had no clue how to fix this and what to say. After dinner he excused himself and headed out to smoke. He had no clue how to go on. He and Robin had something. That was for sure. But was it more? A proper relationship or a simple affair. He guessed it was just an affair. It was the most logical solution. They saw each other all day and even were flatmates. It must have happened at some point in their relationship. A lonely night, a bit too much to drink... Fuck. All this was a mess. He didn’t want to have this with her. She was too important for him to have a simple affair. Deep in his thoughts he smoked when Ilsa stepped to him.

“What’s wrong Corm?”

“I... Robin and I”, his voice broke. “I think I hurt her with all this pretty bad.”

“She knows it’s not your fault Corm. You simply can’t remember at the moment. She understands. It’s just a bit much with the office and all. Give her some time.”

“No.. That’s not what I meant. I meant this... affair.”

He spit the word out as if it was something bad. Ilsa looked quite confused at him, not quite knowing what he meant.

“You had an affair?!”, she asked shocked.

“What?  No...  I meant what's going on between Robin and myself.”

“Oh... Okay”, Ilsa said still a bit confused.

“I feel bad for  it . She deserves better than this  Ils .”

“B ut...” She stopped and he looked at her, scrutinizing her. “I know Robin doesn’t want me to tell you this because she doesn’t want you to feel pushed, but it was more between you two. You love her Corm and I think you still do. You two were together properly. No affair. A real relationship.”

Confused he stared at her. What? Why hadn’t she told him? Why did Robin feel as if she’d push him with this information? Didn’t she want all this back? He was sure that he definitely wanted this more back. He needed this more back. All would be well now. 

Ilsa could see how he realised why she was like this and what had hurt Robin that much. She smiled softly. Stubborn  Cormoran , she thought. Without another word she got inside to help Nick clean up. Nick looked asking at his wife and she nodded. He smiled while cleaning up the wine glass in his hand.  Cormoran  finished his cigarette when Robin returned from the bathroom and headed to the kitchen to help Ilsa and Nick. Ilsa could see the fresh traces of some tears on her cheeks. She just hoped that all would be good, now that she had told  Cormoran . But then she wasn’t sure. This was probably more complicated than they knew. 

Strike finished his fag and wanted to head to Robin to confront her with this information, but the n  he hesitated for a moment. What if she wouldn’t want him? What if Ilsa had just told him this so they’d finally get together properly? He knew that his friends had wanted this for quite a while now but would they go this far? He wasn’t sure. He decided to wait and don’t do something hasty. Not until he remembered or was completely sure that she really wanted this. Wanted him. He could see her return and watched them. Ilsa and Robin silently talked while Nick headed to the fridge to get another bottle of wine. 

“How are you?”, Ilsa asked her friend.

“I’m tired and exhausted. I... I’m not sure I can go back to the flat tonight.”

“You can stay here if you want. You both can stay here and we can talk about all this over breakfast tomorrow?”

“I’m not sure I want to talk about it. But I’d love to stay.”

Robin smiled tiredly at the other woman when Nick returned, holding up two bottle of beer and another bottle of wine. Ilsa took the bottle and Robin’s hand and guided her into the living room where they had another glass of wine. 

“Tell me what worries you. Other than he would want out of this”, Ilsa demanded while sipping from her wine. 

“I... I don’t know. It’s just a feeling.”

“Come on. There’s more. I know there must be. You seem different lately.”

“I’m fine Ilsa. I really am. Just tired and a bit overwhelmed by all that’s going on.”

“Hm... “, Ilsa grumbled and scrutinized her before letting it be. 

Meanwhile Nick and  Cormoran  had a couple of beers and talked in the kitchen about the latest  football  games and his friend updated Strike about what had happened in the last weeks. They talked about how things were at work for him and Ilsa and that Ilsa had brought up the subject of children. 

“I’m not sure I’m ready  Oggy . I mean it’s always been the next step on our list”, Nick joked and laughed nervously. “But then I’m not sure if it’s not too soon. We’ve still time and I worry a bit if this is not too soon. I want her a bit longer for my own before I’ve to share her with a baby.”

Strike understood what he meant. He never wasn’t into children. Even when Charlotte had told him about the pregnancy, he didn’t really look forward to it. It had been too soon and there had been going on quite some shit between them. He shoved the thought away and concentrated on his friend instead. 

“What’s her opinion on this?”

“I haven’t told her. But I know that she wants this. She’s talking about nothing else,  already planning everything out, you know how she is.” Strike laughed and nodded. “I don’t  wanna  spoil this for her  Oggy . I told her I want children and I really do...”

“But not this soon”, Strike said and Nick nodded. “Tell her Nick. It doesn’t do any good to hide this from her and make both of you miserable in the process. Talk about this and figure something out.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right”, Nick mumbled and sipped from his beer again. 

Cormoran  excused himself to the bathroom and when he returned, he looked after Ilsa and Robin. Both were on the sofa, talking. Ilsa saw him lurking in the doorframe and watching them so she excused herself and winked at him. Robin sipped on her wine and sank against the couch. She was tired and drunk. Suddenly  Strike  was there and sat by her side, silent, just watching her. 

“What do you want  Cormoran ?”, she mumbled. 

“I want to apologise. I see now that I hurt you with what I did and said. I... I still not sure what this”, he gestured with his hand between them, “is, but I’m willing to remember. I’m willing to try.”

Stunned she looked at him. What was going on? Why did he suddenly change his mind? Who had told him that there was “more” in the end? Unsure what to say she just nodded. 

“Will you come home with me tonight?”, he asked with a slight insecurity in his voice. 

Robin nodded . They had to try and work on this and getting his memories back so maybe that was the first step. He carefully let his fingers brush over her cheek and she closed her eyes for a moment. 

“Thank you”, he mumbled. “I really appreciate what you’ve done over the last weeks.”

“That’s what I’m here for”, she simply mumbled when Ilsa returned and softly smiled at them. 

“No need to get the guestroom ready?”, she asked both of them and Robin shook her head.

“Shall we go home?”, he asked and Robin agreed. 


	4. Chapter 4

An hour later they were at home. Strike put his hand on the small of her back while guiding her upstairs. She shuddered at his touch and he let go of her. In their flat, he helped her out of his coat and carefully watched her reactions. It felt weird being here after all that happened today, Robin had to admit. But then this was their home, their life. She couldn’t just leave from all this. Strike hung the coat up and made them a cup of tea while she got into the bedroom to put her clothes back into the wardrobe. When she returned, a hot cup of tea was already waiting for her. Strike sat over some files he had retrieved from the office earlier and was trying to catch up with the stuff that happened over the last weeks. She sat beside him and sipped on her tea. She helped him with some details about the cases and they worked late. It was early in the morning when she decided to head to bed. Strike headed down to the office and smoked a cigarette before he returned. Robin was already in bed when he got into the bedroom. Cormoran was tired but he could still feel that there was something odd between them. He dressed into an old t-shirt before he sat down at the bed to get rid of the prothesis. Robin watched him in the dim light of the bedside lamp. This was normal, she said to herself. Him getting ready for bed, close beside her. But then it felt so different. Usually he was playful and cuddly at night. A side only she knew. Strike sank into the soft cushions and turned off the light. He felt it as well. The familiar tension in his stomach, the urge to kiss and touch her. He had felt it often but with the knowledge that she had been his, it was even worse. None of them could sleep, having all these unspoken feelings and questions between them. After a while she touched his hand and he took it. Nothing more but it was enough to calm both of them down. To break the tension a bit. There were no words needed, just the touch of their hands.

 

In the morning Strike woke with Robin by his side. He had an arm around her and her head rested at his shoulder. It must’ve happened at some point at night, he thought and smiled. This felt right. All his worries about their relationship suddenly gone. Strike pressed a soft kiss against her forehead and stayed where he was. While resting beside her, he suddenly remembered. There had been something like this before. She was in his arms, in his bed. They were talking. He remembered her scent, her warm body under his fingers, her soft voice speaking and giggling beside him while he held her close. He couldn’t really remember what their conversation had been about. Something about a visit. Her parents? Strike closed his eyes and tried to remember...

_They had finished cleaning the dishes together while he had updated her on a case. Now he tiredly sank on the sofa and made some notes into some files while Robin returned to him with a cold beer, cuddling up beside him. It was a complete normal evening for them. He loved having her beside him. Her presence always calmed him a bit even when he didn’t know he was tense._

_“Thanks”, he took the beer from her and took a big sip while making another note._

_Robin leaned against his shoulder and had closed her eyes. He could tell that she was exhausted from this week. They have had a lot of cases and observations lately and it was nearly impossible to manage everything but somehow, they did it. He could also feel that there was more that bothered her._

_“Are you alright?”, he mumbled and she just nodded._

_“I’m fine. Just tired.”_

_“Maybe we should head to bed then”, he suggested and kissed her hair._

_"That sounds like a good idea”, Robin agreed and got up to head to the bathroom._

_He could hear water running and closed his eyes for a moment. He loved those domestic evenings with her. Having dinner, talking about cases, sleeping and waking up beside her. He had another sip of his beer and finally decided to put the files away. He couldn’t concentrate on this anyway. He finished his beer when Robin left the bathroom. Her hair was still wet and she was wearing nothing more than very short sleeping shorts and a top. He could clearly see her breasts and he scrutinized her for a second before she stepped to him again, sitting on his lap this time, pressing a soft kiss against his lips. She smelled of roses. Strike pulled her closer and deepened the kiss a little._

_"What’s wrong Robin?”_

_"I told you it’s nothing”, she mumbled distracted while he trailed soft kisses down her cheek and neck._

_“You can tell me you know...”_

_"I... My mum called today”, she said unexpectedly while he kissed her cheek once more._

_"Hm.... And?”_

_“She wants to visit.”_

_“But that’s not bad, is it?”, he asked and stopped with his kisses now._

_“No not really... But...” She stopped and looked at her hands that rested on his chest. “She’s worried.”_

_"About what?”_

_“About us.”_

_“Us? Why would she be worried about us?”_

_"I told her that we’ve a lot of work and are quite often on the road. She worries that this’ll influence our relationship negatively. She also read all those articles in the papers. She doesn’t like it when the press is sniffing around and spreading rumours.”_

_“Well so do I.”_

_There had been a few articles in the papers over the last weeks since the press had found out about their relationship. Photographers and journalists had called, showed up and followed them. They were quite persistent to get a story but Cormoran had been careful and they both had avoided them as good as possible. But still there were some pictures and articles about the two of them and it was annoying. He hated the papers to sniff around but – compared to Robin – he was used to it due to his father’s name and his engagement with Charlotte. She was new to all this and not used to it what worried him. He didn’t want this life for her. He wanted to have a calm and normal relationship, nothing more. No rumours, no gossip. He shoved the thought away and scrutinized her once more. There was still something worrying her. He had to find out what it was._

_"But I guess there’s more. Tell me”, he then softly demanded._

_"She’s worried that all this is going too fast. She worries about nearly everything and is asking quite an amount of very private questions”, Robin confessed, blushing heavily._

_He laughed while she buried her face at his shoulder. Softly he got her to look at him again._

_“That’s it?”_

_"I don’t want her to interfere when she’s here. I... I saw it with Matthew. She doesn’t mean it, but she’s worried and wants all to be perfect and quite normal. I don’t want all this to be repeated once more. I love what we have. It’s all fine how it is and I’m a bit afraid it’ll change or go away after her visit.”_

_"Don’t... Nothing will go away just because she visits and interferes in some ways.”_

_"But... she even talked about kids and marriage!”_

_Now he was definitely shocked. Her mum was definitely further in her planning than they were. He and Robin haven’t even talked about such topics, yet thought about them. At least he hasn’t. He had been honest with her and told her that he wanted to take his time with her. Take things slow and figure everything out, step by step. Robin had agreed._

_“Wow... Okay...”_

_“She can be very persistent, you know that”, Robin said, scrutinizing him carefully. “She’ll ask all sorts of questions.”_

_"I know we can do this together. She’s your mother after all. I guess this won’t be too bad.”_

_"It’ll be her own interrogation”, Robin laughed. “You don’t know my mother when it comes to my boyfriends.”_

_“I’m good with interrogations”, Cormoran joked and she laughed, fumbling at the buttons of his shirt. "And I guess she likes me.”_

_She often did that and he liked it. A soft touch, absent, innocent._

_“I’m not so sure”, Robin confessed._

_Confused he looked at her. Robin blushed again and he could see how unsure she was to tell him. She always was an open book when it came to her thoughts._

_“She thinks you’re responsible for my break-up with Matthew and to be honest”, Robin said smiling, “she’s not so wrong with that.” He laughed softly. “You know how jealous Matthew always was and I guess falling for you was inevitable. My mum was kind of upset after the thing at the wedding. After I left the first dance for you. I guess she knew before me, that marrying him was wrong and she held you responsible for it, even it was me.”_

_“Oh... And I always thought she liked me.”_

_“She does but then she doesn’t”, Robin said and he knew what she meant._

_Strike didn’t blame Linda. He knew she just wanted the best for Robin. All parents usually did._

_“Come to bed”, she then said and kissed him again._

_"Soon... I need a shower and a cigarette first.”_

_“You said you’d quit”, Robin said, faking the hurt tone._

_“You said I should quit. Never said I did”, he teased her and kissed her again._

_She laughed but nodded before she got off of him and headed to their bedroom. After having a long refreshing shower and a cigarette, he headed to bed as well. Robin was nearly asleep and he smiled when he watched her a moment after entering the room. She turned around and watched him lazily from the bed._

_"You just standing there, gawking?”_

_“I kind of like the view”, Strike admitted and winked before he sat on his side of the bed and got rid of his prothesis._

_Like usual he lay on his back and Robin immediately was by his side, resting her head against his shoulder and chest and snuggled up against him. She was warm and her body soft. He kissed her temple and just held her, inhaling her scent, feeling her body under his fingers, having her beside him._

_“Thank you”, she said again._

_"For what?”_

_"For being this positive even though my mum will visit and interrogate us.”_

_He laughed again._

_“When will she be here?”_

_"She said something about Monday. But I can call her again to make sure.”_

_“So we still have the weekend?”_

_“Yes...”_

_She kissed him again._

_“Good...”, he mumbled quite happy and closed his eyes...._


	5. Chapter 5

Cormoran  suddenly woke up from his weird dream. No not dream, a memory... He had remembered something! He looked around and realised that it was already morning. Robin was still sleeping beside him, mumbling his name. Careful not to wake her, he got up, put on the prothesis and headed out of the room. Her mum had been here. They had talked about her visit and what worried  R obin because of it. He had to ask her how  the  visit had bee n .  H e really was curious about this  but  he also wanted to tell her about his progress. Show her that he remembered.  Meanwhile, deep in his thoughts and trying to remember more,  he made them a cup of tea and breakfast. Carefully not to wake her,  Strik e entered their bedroom with a tray and put it on his side of the bed.  Cormoran  sat down and stroke a strand of her hair back before he kissed her cheek. Slowly  Ro bin woke and tiredly smiled at him.

“Good morning.”

“Morning”, she mumbled and smiled. “What time is it?”

“ Not even 10am yet.”

Robin sat up and brushed away the strand of hair that had fallen down again. Cormoran watched her and hoped it would help him remember  small things he had forgotten but nothing. 

“Are you up for breakfast?”, he asked and gestured to the tray. 

“That's lovely  Cormoran ”, she said genuinely surprised by this gesture and agreed. 

He put the tray between them while sitting  properly on the bed,  leaning against the headpiece and handed her a cup of tea. Silently they had breakfast when he realised that this was weird. To break the tension, he decided to tell her about the memory. 

“I remembered something", Strike confessed and she looked interested at him.

“What was it?”

“The evening you told me your mum phoned and wants to visit. You were quite worried about it.” 

Robin was stunned  and remembered as well. It had been the weekend before his accident. Linda had postponed her visit though to the weekend afterwards. When Robin had gotten the news of his accident, she had immediately told her mum and they had decided on a time when he was better again. She still needed to tell her mum that he had woken up from his coma and mostly things were fine here. 

“How was the visit of your mum? I don’t remember...”, he mumbled apologetically.

“She never visited. We postponed it and then you had the accident.”

He stayed silent and sipped at his tea. Silently they finished breakfast and Robin got the tray back to the kitchen before she vanished in the bathroom. When she emerged again, she only found a note in his familiar scribbling. 

_ Out for a bit. Research. Won’t be back until tonight. C. _

Robin sighed but accepted it. She knew that he sometimes needed to be alone to think, she accepted that he needed time, but still it was hard. At least he started to remember a bit. Even though it just were conversations like the one they had about her mum’s visit. Robin wasn’t quite sure what to do with herself, so she decided to head downstairs to the office to work on some cases and files. 

Cormoran  had wrapped himself in his coat and a warm pullover while he headed through the streets of London. It was raining but he didn’t care. He hoped to find out more he had forgotten and he needed some time to think.  After a while he found himself in front of Scotland Yard and decided to talk to Wardle. He got inside and made his way to his friend’s desk. They had developed a good relationship over the last years and had started to trust each other. He hoped that he could help him with what had happened that night. Soon he was inside and found the Detective at his desk. 

“Eric” , Strike  said the other man’s name and he looked up. 

“Corm... What are you doing here? I had no idea you’re home already.”

“Yes, Robin got me home yesterday”, he said. “I’m here for a different reason though. Maybe you can help me.”

Wardle gestured at the chair beside his desk and Strike sat down. Interested the young Detective looked at him. He could see that there was something wrong. 

“What’s going on mate? Robin didn’t tell me much.” 

“I’ve lost some of my memories. To be honest, all of them from the last months. I didn’t even remember Robin and I were...”

Shocked Wardle looked at him and he could feel that it was more complicated than  Strike  told him.  Cormoran  knew that he had to be honest to him to get his help.

“Can you help me? I need the files from the night of my accident. I want to remember and maybe it helps if I start there.”

“Sure mate. I’ll get them to you as soon as possible.”

“That’d be great.”

“Is there anything more I can do?”, Wardle wanted to know.

“Did I tell you anything about what was going on between Robin and myself?”

“Some things. Yes.”

“Can you... Can you tell me about it?”

“Sure... If it helps.”

“I hope so. Can we meet up for a pint after work?”

“Sounds brilliant. At 7pm the Tottenham?”

“Sure. Thank you mate.”

Strike thanked him and headed outside where he lit up a cigarette. His phone beeped and he took it out of his pocket. A text from Robin.

_ Out for observation. Will be home tonight. R. _

Something about her text was odd, he thought and looked at it again. She used to put a kiss at the end of it, he remembered. This time it was missing and what was she doing outside? They haven’t had an observation. Nearly all their cases were closed or about to be.

_ Allright. Take care. C. _

He quickly texted back and smoked his cigarette before he headed to Nick and Ilsa. Maybe they could help him as well. Luckily Nick was there.

“Come on in Oggy”, he said and guided him to the kitchen where he was cooking for tonight’s dinner. “What brings you here?”

“I need answers Nick.”

“Okay, how can I help?”

“It’s about Robin and I. I need details. How did we end up together? What had happened in between? How was our relationship? What happened before my accident?”

Nick got them a beer and continued his cooking while he told his friend as much as he knew.

“Robin told Ilsa a lot about her feelings. I don’t know all of it. You know women...”, he joked slightly and rolled his eyes. “Anyway, she felt a lot for you for quite a while. She was conflicted with her feelings because you didn’t show anything. She told Ilsa that you somehow gave in though. You both apparently kissed during an observation. You never made it official but it just happened. We were quite happy you two finally got together. You freely touched and kissed her when you were here. Apparently, Robin was quite happy about all the physical contact”, Nick said and Strike blushed a bit. 

He and Nick had talked about those things but only in their youth. With Ilsa and Robin by their side all was different. Both kept for themselves how things in bed were. He guessed that Ilsa had urged Robin to tell her something. He knew that his friend meant well and cared about Robin as well. 

“So she was happy?”

“You could say that, yes”, Nick said while sipping from his beer. “She was glowing mate. More beautiful than ever and cheerful all the time”, he said. “Everyone could see it.”

Nick hesitated for a  moment  while  Strike  thought about it. 

“There’s more”, Cormoran then said. “Please tell me.”

“You two had a fight. Pretty rough one due to the case that got you into hospital. You came here, drunk ,  and we talked about it. You said you’d want her safe and she wouldn’t listen. You were quite angry at her. Apparently, Robin had told you your behaviour was unnecessary. Ilsa had told me she had quite a big fight with her mum and Matthew before all that what made her even more fragile and angry.”

“I... I can’t remember”, Strike said and stroke through his curls. “Why a fight with Matthew? Why was he even involved?”

“I don’t know  Oggy .”

“I really did fuck this up, did I?”

“She’s not resentful  Oggy . She forgave you and she still  loves  you , every idiot can see this. That night though, you were quite sad about the row. About what you said and you told me, that you intended to propose to her soon. I guess you wouldn’t have thought about marrying her if you weren’t a hundred percent sure about the two of you.”

Strike stayed silent. This was some value information for him but also something very unexpected. He had thought about a proposal. He had hated fighting with her that night. Yet she was still by his side, even after his accident and the memory loss. 

“You surely must have the ring somewhere safe”, Nick said. “You told me you had one, you said you already planned the whole thing.”

“Was there more that evening?”

“No. You crashed on the sofa and went home in the morning to apologise.”

He tried to remember but nothing. He simply had to trust Nick on this. 

It was nearly time for him to meet up with Wardle, when he thanked Nick and left Octavia Street to head to the Tottenham. He stopped in front of the pub – it had stopped raining now – to smoke a cigarette while waiting for the DI to arrive. After a few minutes he did and they headed inside where they found a small table in a quiet corner of the pub after ordering two beer. 

“Here’s a copy of the file you asked for”, Wardle said and pulled it out of his jacket. “I hope it helps.”

“Thanks mate”,  Cormoran  took it and quickly flicked through  the copied file .

There were pics of the flat, the stairs, his belongings, a report about his accident and the situation itself. No witnesses' reports since they all thought he had been alone. There had been an anonymous call though. Apparently one of the neighbours who had found him. He took it away again and looked at Wardle who was scrutinizing him.

“How much do you know of this evening.”

“Nothing”, Strike said.

Shanker and Robin had told him, but he himself had no recollection of all of it. 

“Robin told me you got him?”

“Yes. He’s on the way to the border when he got into a police control. That’s how li f e goes”, he smirked and Strike laughed. “I... Robin was very shocked when I went to your flat that night to tell her and get her to the hospital. I’ve never seen her so worried.”

“I really appreciate that you looked after her those weeks I was unable to.”

“That’s what I promised.”

“ Thanks.” Strike sipped from his beer. “I hope you can help me further. Did you know how things where or what happened the weeks before? I have no clue and I want to remember as much as possible.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.”

And  so  Wardle told him as much as he knew. Mostly about old cases, some evenings when they had dinner together and how Robin had been during his time in the hospital. 

“She managed the office, all the observations and even somehow made it to the hospital to visit you”, Wardle explained till stunned. “She’s a strong woman and she truly loves you.”

“You think she’s happy?”

“For one thing I think she’s tired after all this. She needs some time off Cormoran.”

Strike nodded and knew Wardle was right. She was tired and exhausted from the past weeks. Maybe it would do them good to go away for a weekend. Take some time off to rest and fix this. He shoved the thought away from now and concentrated on the DI.

“Don’t stress yourself with finding out what you forgot. It won’t help at all. And don’t stress yourself about Robin’s feelings. She loves you. You love her. It’s all fine”, Eric tried to calm him a bit. 

Everyone told him this. Yet he was still a bit unsure if he hadn’t damaged their relationship for good by shoving her away.

They continued talking for a while about some cases and the newest matches before he headed back home to Denmark Street. The flat was deserted, so was the office. Robin was probably still out for observation. He decided to make some tea and occupy himself with reading some more of the cases they actually had taken. After a while he retired to the sofa where he once more tried to remember something. 

_ It had been late when they had finished their work. Both were tired and Robin just wanted to leave for her flat when he got a call from Wardle.  _

_ “Eric? Yes. Alright, I’ll be there”, he said and ended the call. _

_ “What is it?”, Robin wanted to know, shutting down the computer.  _

_ “Our suspect just made a move. I guess I should check it out.” _

_ “I’ll come”, Robin said while he slipped into his coat and the scarf. _

_“It’s late. You should get some rest, Robin.”_    
 _“_ _Nonsense_ _. This is important!”, she said and put on her coat as well._

_ Without protest from him, they left the flat and made their way to her car that was parked a few streets away. Strike told her the address and she drove off. The streets were deserted and the night was cold. They parked a bit outside of the city in front of one of London’s new nightclubs in an old fabric complex. While he checked out the entrance and the alley’s, Robin waited for him in the car. While he looked around, he thought about the tension between them. Something had definitely changed over the last weeks. He could feel it and he had noticed the changes. She had cut her hair; she wore a bit more make-up and had gone shopping for nicer clothes. He could feel that she was nervous beside him. Blushing more, laughing more, being happier than after her divorce with Matthew. He put out the pack of cigarettes and lit one up while watching the  _ _ night _ _ club. Apparently, their suspect was here. Their client had asked to look after his daughter, suspecting that she was involved in some drug business and prostitution due to her boyfriend. Strike smoked and then headed back to the car. Robin had gotten a blanket from the trunk and had put it over her legs. Strike sat beside her.  _

_ “All seems to be calm at the moment. Maybe they’ll come out soon.” _

_ “It’s probably still early for them”, she said and looked at her watch. “It’s not even midnight yet.” _

_ He grumbled and looked at her for a moment. Robin was watching him in the dim light of the street lamp. Lips parted, slightly blushed, quickly looking away again. They stayed silent for a while and just watched the club. It was very busy in front of it and they saw lots of people going in and out. The temperatures dropped and Robin started shaking beside him.  _

_ “You’re cold”, he said. “Maybe we should go home? It’s late anyway.” _

_ “Or we could go in? We would see what she’s doing. It would be way better than sitting here.” _

_ “Alright”, he agreed and they both headed inside.  _

_ The club was loud and full. People smoked, drank and danced. They put their coats into the care of a young woman by the checkroom and then turned to the young people partying. Robin excused herself and headed to the toilettes while he occupied a small spot by the bar and ordered a pint. Meanwhile Robin changed out of her pullover and into a spare top she always had in her purse. She put on some make up, put her hair up and then headed back to  _ _ Cormoran _ _. She found him at the bar, a glass of water already waiting for her.  _

_ “Thank you”, she said and smiled a little before she stepped to him and put her hands on his chest. “This should do”, she mumbled and opened another button on his shirt.  _

_ He looked into her eyes and a shiver ran down her spine. He leaned in closer, but Robin turned away again and smiled softly before sipping on her water. Soon they found their suspect and kept watching the young woman but  _ _ Cormoran _ _  couldn’t concentrate on the case, he had just eyes for Robin. The evening was long and nothing showed them that the suspicion from their client was right because of his daughter. It was early in the morning and Robin was tired so he decided to head home. She agreed and quickly slipped into her pullover before they got their coats and left into the cold night. Strike lit up a cigarette while they headed to the car and she got in. It was freezing inside here as well so she immediately turned the heating on and put the blanket over her legs again. He finished his cigarette and before he climbed into the car,  _ _ Strike  _ _ could see their suspect leave the club as well, discussing something with a young man. They seemed to argue. He tossed the fag away and quickly got inside to tell Robin.  _

_ “There!”, he said and gestured to the entrance. “She’s arguing with him. But about what?” _

_ They could see the man hold her roughly by her upper arm and she shouted something at him before grabbing her purse and tossing some pound notes at him. The young woman quite angrily left and headed to a cab that was waiting a few metres away for customers.  _

_ “I wonder what that was about”, Robin mumbled while  _ _ Cormoran _ _  tried to concentrate. _

_ He was closer than usual and could smell her perfume. Robin was quite aware of his presence and had felt the urge to touch him. They looked at each other in the light of the street lamp and without hesitation or anything, she leaned in and pressed her lips against his. It was a short kiss, barely more than a touch of their lips. He looked at her before he closed the ga _ _ p _ _  again and pressed his lips on hers. It was perfect. Her lips were soft and warm while he captured her mouth. He tasted of cigarettes and beer and Cormoran. Robin lost herself in his kisses and the soft touch of his fingers against her cheek. After a while they broke apart and both panted heavily. _

_ “Alright?”, he asked and she just nodded, pulling him closer by the shirt. _

_ They kissed and kissed and it was perfect. After a while he broke apart once more and panted.  _

_ “We should get home”, he mumbled. “It’s late.” _

_ “Yes”, Robin said distracted and he laughed.  _

_ “Come on. Let’s get home. You need to rest.” _

_ Robin got them home to Denmark Street, still deep in her thoughts, thinking about his soft touch, his lips, the kiss.  _ _ They arrived in front of the office and he waited.  _

_ “Get home Robin, get some rest. Text me when you are home okay?” _

_ She nodded and after he got out, drove off. Strike got up and poured himself a drink before he sank into the armchair in his flat. He had kissed her. It had felt natural and right. About half an hour later he received a text from Robin. _

_ Home now.  _ _ G’night _ _. Rx _

_ He didn’t sleep that night. His thoughts about Robin and how this would go on kept him awake. It was early and Robin would arrive soon to work, when he got up and to the bathroom. He needed a shower. Strike felt better afterwards. Dressed in his usual black trousers and a blue shirt - sleeves rolled up, one more button undone than usual – he went downstairs. Robin wasn’t there yet. He looked at the watch on the wall. Nearly 9am. She’ll be here soon. Like usual he started preparing them a cup of tea. He just put one cup on her desk when he heard someone coming upstairs. Light steps, heels on the iron stairs. Robin. He could feel his heart beat faster when she got closer. The door opened and she stood in front of him.  _

_ “Morning”, she greeted like usual and was surprised to see him  _ _ here  _ _ instead in his office. _

_ She slipped out of her coat, turned to him again and then he was by her side. Without thinking he quickly pulled her closer and pressed his lips against hers, kissing her hungrily. _ _  Robin didn’t shove him away. She pulled him closer by his shirt and kissed him back, moaning into the kiss. She pressed her body against his and he couldn’t get enough of her. After a while they broke apart again, panting. His hands rested on her hips and held her close.  _

_ “This...” _

_ “Yeah”, he mumbled.  _

_ “I...” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ She laughed and kissed him again. More softly this time. It was perfect.  _

Cormoran  couldn’t believe that he had forgotten their first kiss. It had been perfect. No hesitation. He now understood why he had been this upset. His thoughts got interrupted by Robin getting upstairs. She opened the door, hung up her coat and he hurriedly got up from the sofa.

“You’re still awake”, she said astonished while he quickly moved towards her. “Cormoran...”

He didn’t let her finish. Instead he pulled her closer and quickly kissed her. It was like in their office. It was perfect. At first, he could feel her hesitate but then she pulled him closer. He realised that she was crying and broke apart. Carefully he wiped her tears away with his fingers and kissed her softly.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

“No... It’s fine. I’m... I’m just happy you remembered”, she said and kissed him again. 

“I’m happy too.”

He held her close and even though he didn’t remember everything,  Cormoran  knew all would be good again. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been ages since I posted on this but I've been so busy and out of ideas how to go on.  
> I hope you enjoy this quite long chapter nonetheless and I so hope to update on this regularly again :) 
> 
> love, Y.

The days passed and they, once more, found a routine around each other. Strike still tried to figure out pieces that were missing but he had no luck so far. Two days after their second “first kiss”, he woke up with Robin in his arms and just watched her. He still couldn’t believe that this between them was real and that she truly seemed to want him. Yet he stayed careful not to hurt her. This was important for him and he was still insecure because he didn’t know what had happened before. How far they had come in their relationship. How long this had been going on. What they had said or done. He knew from Nick that their sex-life apparently had been good, that he even had intended to propose to her. The ring... He still hadn’t looked for it. Slowly he got up, careful not to wake her, put on his prothesis and headed downstairs to his office. If he had put it somewhere safe, it would be here. He looked around and thought about his safe. No... Robin usually never got in there, but he knew she could because he had given her the pin once for emergencies. His desk. He sat down and thought about it. He had a secret drawer and now opened it. There it was. A simple black box. Curious about what he had got, he opened it and looked at the ring. It was wonderful. A simple golden ring with small and high-quality diamonds. Simple, yet beautiful. He was sure that Robin would love it. He put it back where he had found it and sat there smiling when it knocked and Robin stepped in. 

“I guessed you’d be down here. You usually are when you’re in your thoughts.” 

“You know me too well”, he mumbled and smiled.  

Robin was wrapped in a light dressing gown, hair ruffled and she looked so sexy. She still had the same effect on him like before. She stepped closer and sat on the edge of his desk. He was unsure what to do or say so Strike stayed silent. Robin was confused. Why was he here?  

“You okay?”, she asked and took his hand. 

“I’m fine. I’m just... Not sure about all this”, he said and gestured between them. 

Robin was unsure what he meant. Did he think that this thing between them was wrong? Would he back out now and leave her? She withdrew his hand from him and wanted to get up but he took her hand once more. 

“That’s not what I mean”, he said, seeing what she had in mind. “I meant that I don’t know anything about us. I lost all memories. All memories about what we had, what we were. I don’t know what to do without it. I don’t know how far we’ve come or what we had. What we did.” 

“Why are you trying to hold on? Why not make new memories?” 

“It’s not that simple”, he mumbled. 

Robin knew she had to do something to pull him out of his thoughts. She knew this could be fine if he would just be more himself again. 

“Just be yourself”, Robin said. “You are so different lately.” 

“I’m sorry”, he said. “I just...” 

“You know, the old you wouldn’t have hesitated to do something now.” 

“Like what?”, he mumbled, fully well knowing what she meant, yet he didn’t act on it. 

Robin sighed and made her way upstairs again, quite upset with how this had turned out. He needed to talk to her. He didn’t want to fight with her again. That was the last thing that had happened before his accident and he still regretted it, even if he was just told about it by Nick. Quickly he followed her upstairs and found her in the kitchen, making them a cup of tea. He just stood there and watched her. He could clearly see the sadness on her face. He stepped to her and slung his arms around her, burying his nose in her neck, inhaling her scent. She was stiff under his fingers and he could feel the tension between them. 

“Forgive me”, he mumbled. “I simply don’t know how to do this yet. But I’m trying to get all this back that we had.” 

“I told you, be yourself. Trust your instincts”, she said and turned in his arms before she pressed her soft lips against his.  

Their kiss started out soft, teasing even and turned out to be heated quite quickly. She craved his touch for so long. Her hands rummaged over his t-shirt and she stripped it off after a while, shoving him to the table. He was aroused, yet he held himself back. This was not the time. Robin got rid of her dressing gown and pulled at the waistband of his pants to get them off. He held her hands and kissed her once more. 

“Wait...” 

“But I want you”, she said breathlessly at his lips. 

“I do too. But give me a bit more time. I... I need to find out some stuff first.” 

Robin wanted to say something but then just nodded when his phone rang and interrupted them. 

 

The next days passed and things stayed as they were. Cormoran worked a lot of cases and Robin helped him as good as she could. It was late at night during a case when Robin texted him.  

 _No news here, Wardle gets me home. Will you be home soon? Rx_  

 _Don’t know when I’m home. Don’t wait up. C._  

Robin worked with Wardle on a missing person case. Some women had gone missing while being on dates and all evidence lead to a new, private dating site. Cormoran was suspicious and worried about Robin. He had urged Wardle, who had hired them once more, to be careful and have an eye on her. And he had promised he’d do it. So tonight. Robin had registered on the dating site and they had spread some news for the papers that they had broken up. There had immediately been some men who had asked her for a date and that was the reason she was out tonight. Robin had dressed in a nice dark blue sheath dress, had put her hair up and had gone on the date. Wardle had wired her and was nearby if she needed his help. But all seemed to be calm. Strike instead was on the other side of town and on observation in some of the strip clubs. Even after all those years Two Times was suspicious and had paid them to look at his now fiancée. They had watched the young woman all those years ago when she and Two Times got together and even now the job was easy money. The woman did nothing and he knew he wouldn’t get any evidence for her infidelity. It was past midnight when he made his way home. Robin wasn’t home when he entered the small flat over the office.  

“Robin?”, he asked but she didn’t answer.  

He looked into the bedroom. Nothing. Where was she? He headed downstairs to look into the office. Nothing. Worried he pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked for some missed texts or calls. Nothing as well. What was going on? He decided to text her. 

 _Where are you? Is everything alright?_ _C._  

He waited. Two minutes. Five minutes. Ten minutes. Fifteen minutes. Maybe she didn’t see it or couldn’t answer? He decided to call Wardle. 

“Wardle”, he mumbled sleepily. 

“Eric, it’s me”, he said. “I can’t reach Robin and she’s not home. Where are you?” 

“Mate, it’s past midnight. I got her home hours ago.” 

“But where is she?” 

“I don’t know. All was fine during the date. Nothing happened. Nothing was suspicious.” 

“Fuck!”, Strike said and clenched his fist. “Where was this date?” 

Wardle told him and immediately he made his way to the restaurant. She wasn’t there. He asked one of the waiters if he had seen something that could help him finding her.  

“I saw that woman tonight”, the other man said when Strike showed him a picture of Robin. “She met up with a guy. Posh, rich, glasses, expensive suit. Payed for everything. She looked quite uncomfortable after a while and left before dessert. He immediately payed and followed her outside. That’s all I saw.” 

Strike handed him a tip, thanked him and headed outside again. He looked for cameras and any clues. His thoughts went wild and he couldn’t think clearly. He put out his phone and called Robin. She didn’t pick up. Maybe she was at Nick and Ilsa’s? He knew it was late but this was important so he made his way to Octavia Street. He rang the doorbell and a few minutes later Nick opened. Hair a mess, wearing nothing more than some boxers and a t-shirt.  

“Oggy? What are you doing here?” 

“Is Robin here?” 

“Yeah, she’s sleeping upstairs. She called late and asked if we could pick her up. Something seemed to be wrong. She felt watched.” 

“Is she fine?”, he asked and Nick lead him in. “Sure. She’s sleeping. But I guess not anymore.” 

“Cormoran?”, he heard her voice from the stairs and turned around.  

There she stood, wearing a short black nightgown, sleepy, hair ruffled. He stepped to her and hugged her tightly while kissing her hair.  

“I’m so glad you’re fine.” 

“Of course, I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“I’m sorry, I overreacted. I was just so worried when you weren’t home and I couldn’t reach you. After what the waiter told me...” 

“What did the waiter tell you?”, she asked, still in his arms. 

“That you left before dessert and looked uncomfortable. The man followed you immediately after you were leaving the restaurant.” 

“Oh... Well, he was quite strange. I got home and I felt so uncomfortable. I thought staying with Nick and Ilsa would be a good idea until you got home. Didn’t you get my note?” 

“No... I must have missed it.” 

“I left it by the bed. I thought you’d see it.” 

“It’s late. I guess we should all head to bed again”, Nick said. “Wanna stay Oggy?” 

“Sure, thank you”, Cormoran agreed and Nick headed upstairs to bed again. 

“We should sleep. You look tired”, Robin said and caressed his cheek. 

She took his hand and they headed upstairs to the guest room where Robin stayed overnight. Cormoran undressed and sank on the bed to get off his prothesis. When he lay down, Robin snuggled up beside him and immediately fell asleep again. The detective stayed awake. Something about all this felt familiar. As if they had such a situation before. He tried to remember and slowly an old memory was coming to the surface again.  

 

 _Cormoran_ _tried to call Robin. She didn’t pick up. He hadn’t heard from her the whole day and he was slightly worried. Robin wasn’t the same since her break-up with Matthew. She came late, she looked tired and overworked and she forgot things. She forgot when they wanted to meet up for coffee to bring together the results of their observation for a client, she forgot to call back, she forgot to eat. She wasn’t her usual self and he was afraid that he couldn’t reach her. Restless he wandered through the office. It was already getting dark and heavily raining. The streets weren’t safe at night, he knew that too well. Once more Strike tried to call Robin. Nothing... With an uneasy feeling he grabbed his coat, keys and cigarettes and made his way outside. Her last job was an undercover observation at one of the local papers. They tried to convict one of the editors of rape and sexual harassment against some women who worked under him. He was anxious because of Robin. This job wasn’t easy and it got more and more complicated over the weeks. The most logical solution was to check at the office if something was wrong. He tried to hurry but his leg wouldn’t cooperate. It took him longer than expected until he was at the office building in the city. He made his way upstairs and entered the office. It was dark and just a few desk lamps illuminated the huge office. Silently he made his way to one door at the far end. Probably a single office. He could hear loud voices, as if someone was arguing. The one of a young_ _woman_ _and a man. Not Robin, he realised after a while of listening to them. Where was she? Silently he made his way back downstairs and once more tried to call her phone. He couldn’t reach her. He had no idea where she was. Restless he wandered to the tube and thought about where to find her. Where could she be? He tried her flat. It was a small apartment in a dingy looking part of the city. He had urged her to accept his help. He would have gotten her a different flat in a safer part of the city. She had refused. Stubborn like usual she had taken things in her own hands and had come up with this. He headed upstairs to her flat, since the front door was always open, and rang the bell. He knew it was late, he knew he could wake her, but he was just too worried to care. He knocked and shouted her name. He could hear someone rummaging around._ _A moment later the door opened and Robin stood in front of him, hair ruffled and only wearing a dressing gown._  

 _“Cormoran... What are you doing here?”_  

 _“Are you alright? I was so worried because I couldn’t reach you.”_  

 _“I’m fine”, she said confused and looked at him. “I... My phone must have died.”_  

 _“Oh... Alright. I’m sorry for waking you_ _. I was just... worried.”_  

 

Cormroan remembered, that he had made her promise to call regularly when being on a job like this again. He had felt the same worry he had yesterday. But yesterday had even been worse. The fact that she was his and the thought of losing her, made him insane. He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead before he tried to fall asleep again.  

The next morning, he woke up alone, Robin gone. Where was she? He listened to the sounds downstairs and heard her chatting with Ilsa. He got up, put on his prothesis, dressed and made his way downstairs.  

“Morning”, he said when he entered the kitchen.  

“Morning Oggy”, Nick said and handed him a cup of coffee while Robin and Ilsa set up the table. 

He watched Robin a while before he made his way to the terrace and smoked. He had overreacted last night and now he felt sorry for it. He could feel her before she said anything.  

“Good morning”, Robin said, stepped to him and softly kissed him.  

“Morning.” He hesitated but then made up his mind. “I’m sorry about last night. I was just so worried that something had happened to you.” 

“Don’t worry too much Cormoran. I can take good care of myself”, she said and smiled reassuringly.  

He looked at her and smiled as well. He knew that Robin was capable. But since he once more had found out that she was his, all seemed to be different between them. He leaned down and kissed her again. Still hesitant and unsure about all that was between them. 

“Come on, let’s have breakfast and then we go home.” 

“Sounds perfect”, she said.  

 

They had breakfast with their friends and then headed home to Denmark Street. She could feel that Strike was different and in his thoughts. Had he remembered something else? Since it was Saturday, Robin tried to get all the things done she usually never managed during work. When at home, she started cleaning and washed some clothes while Strike was downstairs, locked in his office. She knew that something was going on, had no clue what. After a while – she was done with everything – she made her way downstairs and knocked at his door. 

“Cormoran?”  

She heard him rummaging around and getting up to open. Scrutinizing she looked at him when he opened the door. 

“What’s up?”, he asked innocently.  

“I just wanted to ask about dinner. Do you want something special? I’d head to the grocery store now.” 

“Oh... No... Not really.” 

“Okay...” 

She wanted to leave but he hurried after her.  

“I’m coming with you”, Strike simply said and she smiled a bit.  

They headed to the nearby grocery store and he rolled the cart around while Robin got everything they needed. Tea, milk, bread, some fruits and vegetables, cookies, pasta... He just watched her while she looked at her list and got the goods. 

 

 _Robin was wandering through the store and looked through the shelves while she thought about something they could make for dinner._ _Cormoran_ _just watched her. It was late and the shop was nearly empty but she had urged him to get out of bed because they needed some food before the shops would close. He had obeyed and now they were standing by some shelves with wine, while she thought about something to cook. He made his way to her and slung her arms around her while kissing her neck._  

 _“Let me get the wine. You get the pasta. I’ll cook tonight.”_  

 _“Really?”, she asked surprised and he nodded. “Alright.”_  

 _She turned and kissed him quickly before she walked down the aisle. She wore nothing more than a really short summer dress and some sandals, hair quickly done up and messy. He loved it._  

 

“Cormoran, you listening to me?”, Robin asked and looked at him concerned. 

“Sorry, I... I just remembered something.” 

“You did?”, Robin asked excited. He nodded. “What was it?” 

“We went grocery shopping”, he said. “You wore that light blue summer dress with the buttons all the way down. We had pasta that night.” 

Robin knew that this memory was months ago when they got together but still she was happy that he seemed to remember things. Quite excited she kissed him and he looked at her a bit startled before she made her way down the aisle again to grab some more stuff they needed. 

An hour later they got back to Denmark Street and Strike prepared them dinner while Robin read today’s mail. There were some bills and some letters from clients about potential cases. After finishing them, she watched Strike. It was a pretty domestic scene and she liked it, yet she could feel the gap that was still there between them. Even though he knew they were together before his accident, he behaved differently. He was still absent and sometimes avoided her. Except for a few kisses, he hadn’t touched her. She sighed and took a sip of her wine.  

“Are you okay?”, he asked when he looked at her, putting a plate in front of her.  

“Yes, I’m fine”, she said and turned to her food.  

It was delicious. Strike talked about a case while she just sat here, listening. It was a simple observation of Mad Dad and a new case. Wardle had asked him for help, to observe a young woman who worked in a bank. She was a suspect in a case about espionage and money laundry. Strike wanted to talk to Robin about how they’d do this when he realised, she was absent and not really listening. He took her hand and she startled, pulling it away. 

“Tell me”, he demanded softly. 

“It’s nothing, really. I’m just tired, sorry.” 

He let her be and they finished dinner in silence. They cleaned the dishes and Robin immediately made her way to bed. She wanted the old Cormoran back and yet she knew that this would probably never happen. Exhausted and sad about all this, she sank into the soft cushions and fell asleep immediately.  


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys,  
> sorry it took me so long again to update but work and I was out of ideas and this was kinda hard to write tbh.. I still hope you like it :) 
> 
> love, Y.
> 
>  
> 
> PS: Due to problems at my home computer, I'll post the credit of this scene and the link to the video that inspired it tonight.
> 
> PPS: Here's the video I took most part of my dialogue from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYnETqUMYPY

Strike knew Robin was upset with how all this was going. He was as well. Why couldn’t he remember? He needed to fix this. He grabbed his keys and phone and left for the hospital. Maybe the doctor who had treated him, could help him? It was late when he arrived and asked for the doctor. A nurse told the Detective, that he would have to wait for a while but she would get him. Strike thanked her and waited and half an hour later the other man arrived, looking quite puzzled to see him. 

“Detective Strike?”, he asked and he nodded and they shook hands. “How can I help you at this time of day?” 

“I need your help Doctor. I need to remember and I simply can’t!” 

“Well I told your wife it would take time and that you probably wouldn’t remember all of the things that happened before. It’s quite common for cases like yours.” 

His wife? Oh he probably meant Robin... But then why was he referring to her as his wife? 

“I have to Doctor. She... I can see that something’s wrong and I can’t figure out why. I guess it’s because of the accident but I can’t remember.” 

“I know it’s frustrating but there isn't much we can do.” 

“But what can we do then?” 

The doctor hesitated for a moment before he answered truthfully. 

“We tried hypnosis before. It sometimes works for our patients with a trauma and memory loss.” 

“Well then let’s do this”, Cormoran simply said. 

If it would help him, he was in for it. The doctor looked at him and then nodded.  

“Please follow me.” 

Strike followed him into one of the small consulting rooms and the doctor gestured to a surgery couch where he sat down.  

“Alright. We tried this before but the results were very different. Every patient reacted differently. Some remembered, some didn’t, some found a small part of their memories. So I warn you, don’t put all your hope into this. It might won’t work.” Cormoran nodded. “Get off your coat and get comfortable.” 

He obeyed and lay down on the couch. His whole posture was tense and anticipating.  

“So try to relax Mr Strike. Close your eyes for a moment and imagine the brain. The brain is an incredibly complex network and almost infinite expanse of connections. Nerves in a web going in every direction. With more parts than you can easily imagine and as such it is quite easy to lose a memory here and there or hide or even block them. Because all it takes is losing the connection to said memory and you won't be able to remember. Sometimes these connections are recreated as sound, as smell, something you see can trigger an old memory. Everything that has ever happened as long as your body was able to store it, is buried there. The memory is just hidden behind a curtain. So how do we recover it? In a way it’s easier than you’d think, just not necessarily easy to execute. Before we can do so, we have to dive into your mind. Plunge into the infinite expanse of your memories and thoughts as if we’re falling into a void filled with sounds, smells, sights and sensations. Memory is very rich, very complex and one memory can trigger another and another and that’s in fact, how we remember a lot of things. You remember what you studied in school, you remember what you did yesterday, but remembering what you did last year on this day is complicated if nothing special happened. Somewhere that memory is deep down buried inside of your brain but that’s not the one we’re looking for today. The difficulty here is, that you don’t know where or what the memories are, we’re trying to recreate today. Imagine it like a hole in a puzzle. You know there should be pieces and you can see the shape of them but don’t know what's on those pieces and I assume that you’d like to find them. Now there are several things we can do and the method I’ll try to teach you is just one of many. It’ll help of course when you’re relaxed and open and listening to my voice. Just let your mind flow...” 

The voice of the Doctor was soothing and Cormoran was relaxed by now, just listening and concentrating on him.  

“Let your mind flow into a state, ready to follow my instructions but the more you’re able to recover your memories, the more your find you’ll make your own methods in finding them. So let’s try and focus on what you’re actually attempting to find. Memories that are blocked or lost or things from long ago. I want you to focus on the things you do know close to the memory you lost. Remember the closest thing, a nearby memory you can still reach.” 

Cormoran did. He remembered the observation. The disco. Sitting in the car beside her. Her closeness, the smell of her perfume, the way she looked at him and then finally her lips on his. A soft and short kiss, barely more than a soft touch of their lips before he had kissed her fully. 

“And once you’re there, try to remember that moment as best as possible.” 

Cormoran concentrated on the kiss. Her lips on his. Her hands on her body. Her warmth. Her tongue playing with his, her hands fisted in his coat. Then the second time they kissed in the office. 

Robin getting out of her coat. She looked so beautiful. Cheeks reddened from the cold wind outside. Quickly passing the space between them and pulling her closer, kissing her hungrily and urgent. Robin pulling him closer, her hands in his shirt once more and rummaging over his chest. Her small and warm body against his. Her soft moan. Lips searching for each other, her hand wandering to his hair. He held her tight. Her surprised sound when she mumbled just one word and his smiling answer, fully knowing what she meant even though she hadn’t said it. More kisses... 

“Try to remember how it started. Things you might have been doing. And in the beginning, you might catch only the lightest glimpse but the walls around those memories will readily give away to your investigations. You’ll find that with each passing moment, it becomes easier and easier to remember something and the more you focus on what you want to remember, the more you find the path leading to it.” 

He remembered the urgency of the kiss and the feeling he had felt. The lust and the wish to get her to bed. To touch her everywhere. To worship her body under his fingers and lips, to make gentle and sweet love to her... 

“Working your way closer to it. And every memory you touch can be felt, seen, experienced. The mind is an incredibly powerful thing. It is possible to taste things form your past, to smell scents from long ago, to hear sounds that you once heard and thought you had forgotten.” 

Cormoran heard her soft moan, smelled the scent of her perfume again, felt the soft skin of her under his fingers...  

“Your memory recover will go easier and easier with time. There's not much to do once you remember. Just keep probing, touching and feeling for those memories. They’ll come slowly forward, one by one. Sometimes you could almost trigger a wave of them where one triggers another and another and another until you’re almost drowning in them. But you’ll always have control. You can step out and back in whenever you want. They are just memories. No matter what happened before, you have control now to look for them and no matter why these memories where difficult to reach, you can reach them now. And if you just need a little bit more, more time, more clarity it’s okay, you can always try to recover them again.” 

He felt the sheets under him. Her hands on his chest, his back... Rain pouring on the attic window. Cold... It was cold and yet warm.  

“The mind might need time to rebuild those paths and re-strengthen those connections but that’s perfectly normal. So try to virtualize the memories that you want back, no matter how well they’ve been hidden or who or what attempted to hide them from you. No matter how long ago, you didn’t lose them. Your mind has kept them, stored them, and you can reach them again.” 

Cormorn kissed her again, holding her hand and she grabbed them, moaning again. Sweaty... He felt sweaty and fuzzy. The light on the bedside table was on. The room was dimly lit and cold. Their bodies mere shadows on the walls.  

“Now in a moment I’m going to ask you to wake up again... 

1.. 2... slowly waking. 3... 4... more aware. 5... 6... almost there. 7... 8... almost awake and 9... 10... wake.” 

Cormoran was back in the white room in the hospital. He looked around confused and at the doctor who smiled softly, waiting patient.  

“How are you feeling?” 

Cormoran sat up and the other man stepped to him, taking his pulse while he ruffled his hair with one hand.  

“Confused. What was this?” 

“Hypnosis”, the man said simple. “You felt into a deep trance and with this you should be able to remember. Well at least some patients did. Did you remember anything?” 

“I’m not sure....”, Strike mumbled. “There were mostly snippets of things I guess.” 

“Well as I said it’s not always a success but we can try it again if you like?” 

“I’m not sure”, Strike mumbled, still confused by what this was.  

“Alright”, the doctor said and let go of his wrist. “If you need anything just come by. I’m here nearly every night.” 

“Thanks Doc”, Strike said and the man left him again.  

What the hell? Cormoran slipped into his coat and left the hospital. Immediately when he was outside, he pulled the pack of cigarettes out and lit one up. He had remembered something, but wasn’t sure what this had been. Well he knew too well what they had been doing but when? His phone beeped in his pocket and he pulled it out.  

 _We got a new case for you. W._  

He texted Wardle back. He needed a distraction anyway. 

 _Where do we meet? C._  


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's a bigger update for the weekend guys :)   
> will be quite busy and start work again on Monday so I don't have a clue when I'll continue this
> 
> enjoy and happy Friday! :)

Half an hour later he and Wardle met in the Tottenham. Like usual at this time of the week – a Friday evening – it was crowded and noisy inside. Wardle had got them a seat by the bar, a pint of Doom Bar already waiting for him at the counter. 

“Evening”, the DI greeted him and Strike sat beside him.

"Wardle. W hat can I do for you  then ?”

“I need your help in a delicate situation.”

Strike took a sip from his beer and then listened to what Wardle offered him.

“There have been various treats against a surgeon. He already filed a complaint against the unknown writer of them, but we have no lead so far.  Not even fingerprints.  I told him that maybe you could help. It’s supposed to happen this weekend during a conference he’ll attend with his wife. The chief is willing to hire you as external assistants and we’ll pay for any expenses. I already booked the room and organized everything so you two can attend the events. Means you and Robin will stay by their side as ‘friends’ and will look for the writer of these letters. I’ll stand close by with a small team to interfere if anything should happen.”

“What was the treat?”, Strike finally asked after Ward l e had filled him in with the most important stuff.

“The letters said, that the  on e  who wrote it, will destroy the Doctor’s career and his family. He’s worried about his wife and his child. A daughter, 13 years old.”

“Alright, I’ll take it”, Cormoran agreed without hesitation. “When do we start?”

“ Tomorrow  morning.” Wardle handed him the booking receipt, some car keys, faked invitations and an envelope with more information. “How’s it going? Finding your memories and all?”

“There’s still a lot missing”, the Detective sighed. “And I think this effect this has on … well us. Robin and me. It’s more than she lets me see. I’m worried.”

“She’s a strong girl, don’t be. I’m sure she’ll tell you if anything’s wrong.”

“That’s what I’m not so sure about”, Cormoran mumbled and sipped at his pint.

Robin woke up and when she reached for him beside her, the sheets were cold and deserted. She sighed. Maybe he was downstairs? The young woman got up, slipped in her dressing gown and headed downstairs to the office. The door was locked. Irritated that there was no note, no text, no one, she got upstairs again and got a glass of water. Where was he? She was slightly worried and the fear that someone would call or come over to tell her that something had happened to him was still present and made her nervous. Robin got her phone from the bedside table and looked at it, no texts, no missed calls. Where was he?  Robin got her phone and texted him, impatiently waiting for an answer. A minute later  her phone  beeped.

_ Meeting with Wardle due to a case. Will be late. Don’t wait up. C. _

Robin looked at the clock on the kitchen wall. Why did they meet up at this time? It was nearly 1am now. Trying to shove all thoughts away, Robin headed to bed again and slept for a while until she woke up due to some noise in the other room. 

“ Cormoran ?”, she mumbled his name and put on the bedside lamp when she heard a soft swearing. 

It was him. She looked at her phone. It was past 3am. Where had he been? Robin got up and headed to him. She found him sitting on the small sofa, half undressed and trying to get rid of his shoes. She smiled. He was definitely drunk, but what had caused this? She knew he usually had a good stamina when it came to a night out with mates, but getting properly drunk like this... He usually had a reason. 

“Cormoran”, she said softly and he looked up.

“ Rob’n ... I...  S’rry  I wake you up...” He thought about what he said and looked rather confused, simply not knowing what was wrong with it. “Whateva...”

She laughed a little and stepped closer.

“Can I help you?”

“Nah... no... I c’ manage.”

A while later he was out of his shoes and looked up to her again. She looked amazing and the only thought in his dizzy mind was that he wanted to kiss her so he got up and stepped to her. Robin looked at him, her little smile on her lips and yet she looked tired.  He softly let a finger slide over her cheek down to her lips. The signs were there and even his foggy, drunk mind could see them. Yet he hesitated. 

“You so beautiful”, he mumbled and smiled. “You happy?”

“I am”, she answered and he knew it wasn’t a full lie. 

“Still you sad.”

“A bit.”

Robin answered truthfully since she knew this conversation would be forgotten tomorrow morning. 

“Why?”

“I want back what we had. I know you can’t change how it is. It happened but it’s hard. I miss the old you. I miss all of us.”

“ ‘ m sorry”, he mumbled and stroke her cheek once more. “ ‘m tryin’ so hard...”

“I know.”

Without another word he leaned in and kissed her softly. It wasn’t rushed, it wasn’t urgent it was slow, passionate and full of their feelings they had for each other and unspoken words. After they let go of each other, she silently grabbed his hand and pulled him to their bedroom. They both needed some rest. Robin helped him out of his clothes since he  was still  very chaotic with his limbs and the fabric covering them and then lay beside him, waiting in the silence. He shuffled closer and pulled her into his arms and just held her when she fell asleep soon after again. 

Early the next morning, Strike woke up with a bad headache. Robin slept beside him, close and her hands in his t-shirt. S hit... He remembered what had happened last night. He remembered how sad she had looked and how she missed the “old him”. He felt guilty and sad. He looked down at her. Robin looked peaceful and yet very tired. Both of them needed some rest yet there was this case he had agreed on taking. But then probably, this case would do them good. He was sure, that it would be a calm one and they’d have some time for themselves. He leaned down and kissed her temple. Gosh he loved her. He truly did and he was sure they could do this. They’d survive this, like they usually did. Robin slowly woke in his arms and snuggled closer.

“Good morning”, she mumbled and smiled a bit.

“Morning.”

He once more kissed her temple and held her. He couldn’t bring himself to get up just yet. He liked those calm mornings with her in bed. 

“Why are you up? It’s so early...” , she mumbled and  buried  her face at his neck. 

“We got a job” he explained. “We should hit the road early.”

“Tell me more about this job”, Robin asked him.

He quickly did and felt how interested she was. Yet there was something different from her side. He could feel the light touch of her on his chest, her leg brushing his, getting closer and tracing his cheek with soft kisses. He felt the effect she had on him, the lust that was there since earlier last night. He wanted her but this was not the time. 

“You know what I like most about this case?”, she asked while her hands wandered over his chest and she started kissing him.

“No, what ? ”, he asked quite aroused. 

“It’s the hotel”, she confessed. “Think about it. A fancy hotel, comfortable and huge bed, big shower and lots of time...”

She wandered with soft kisses down his cheek and with her hands under his t-shirt. He knew what she wanted, he knew what she meant, but then Strike wasn’t sure if it wasn’t too soon. Softly he shoved her away and got up. Robin's  hand was on his back  and  Cormoran  s hivered at her cool touch.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. I’m just ... We should get going.”

“Alright”, she mumbled while he headed to the bathroom. 

Robin started packing and about 20 min later he returned and started himself while she got dressed. A bout half an hour later  Robin  smiled and head ed  out with nothing more than her lingerie and  Strik e stopped dead in his tracks. Shit... She was stunning. Robin saw his look and blushed before she looked into her wardrobe. 

“ So  it’s a conference”, she said. “ So  it’s best to wear something business like?”

“Yes”, he answered in a heavy voice and swallowed. 

Jeez he wanted her. Here and now. Yet he knew that this was not the time and he concentrated very hard on packing while Robin slipped into a simple black dress with short sleeves and high heels. She had soft curls and a decent and business like make up. Strike wore his usual shirt and the sleeves rolled up. Robin stepped to him and kissed him softly while his hands travelled over her hips and her body before he pulled her closer.

“You are a very beautiful woman Robin”, he said and she blushed heavily. “But this is not the time and I know what you’re playing on.”

“Pity...”, she mumbled and he let go of her, handing her a pair of keys. 

“I guess you’ll like the present Wardle made us for this case.”

Interested she looked at the pair of keys and then smiled and quickly  hurried downstairs  where a beautiful new car was waiting for her. 

“Oh my... This is wonderful”, she said and he stood by the entrance, holding their suitcases and her coat while he watched her. 

He opened the trunk and put their stuff inside before he helped her in her coat. 

“This is so exciting!”, she said.

“Come on, let’s go”, he said, kissed her cheek and they both drove off.

It was late in the afternoon when they arrived at their location and checked in. It was the  Hillthwaite  hotel in Windermere. A quite expensive business hotel with all you could wish for. Robin was stunned and he was as well. This could be an interesting case. They parked in front of the hotel and immediately there was a valet to get their car and another one to get their luggage. Strike helped her out of the car and she took his  arm  while they headed inside. It was stunning. Elegant, classy, modern and comfortable. Robin loved it immediately. Strike looked around and took in his surroundings. He saw Wardle sitting in an armchair, reading the newspapers. He and his men apparently were already here. He headed to the reception and checked in.

“How can I help you Sir?”, the young woman asked and smiled at them.

“Strike. We’re here to check in.”

“Strike”, she mumbled and checked in her computer. “Here it is. You and your wife got one of our occasion suites. It’s situated in our private annex building,  Tendal  Howe which is adjacent to the main building and just a short walk away. It’s better for more privacy”, she said and smiled at him. “It’s got a small living room, big bathroom and bedroom and you can call reception 24/7 and we’ll be there. You’ll also have a wonderful view at the lake and access to our pool and spa area.”

“Sounds good.”

“Your luggage is already there and here’s your key card and the program for the upcoming conference.” She handed him both and Strike smiled. “A colleague will get you to your rooms.”

“Thank you.”

“Have a nice evening Sir.”

Strike and Robin got to their rooms with a young man who showed them everything in their own small place that looked like a pavilion. Robin loved it and curiously looked around while Strike handed the young man a generous tip and locked the door. It was already getting dark outside and colder by the minute. He could see that it would rain soon when he looked at the dark sky. Robin returned, smiling and stepped to him.

“This is  wonderful, Cormoran .”

“I’m glad you like it”, he said and kissed her softly. “This will do us good. A calm case and some time out.”

“I think so too. You look tired.”

“ So  do you”, he said and stroke her cheek. “I have to tell you something”, he then said. 

Cormoran  wanted to tell her about his hypnosis and about what he remembered when it knocked. Probably Wardle, he thought and headed to open. It was the Detective.

“I got some news”, Wardle said and held up a file. “Hi Robin”, he said and smiled at her for a moment before the two men retired on the sofa and Strike poured them a drink.

Robin slipped out of her shoes, sat beside  Cormoran  and listened to what the Detective had to say.

“Doctor Mills got another letter and we found a partial finger print. It belongs to Doctor Warren. His partner and close friend.”

Wardle handed him a picture of said colleague and Robin leaned closer to look at it as well. He could smell her perfume and it distracted him a bit.

“Is he here as well?”, Robin asked and Wardle nodded. 

“He is. He holds a lecture about the newest innovations  in  heart surgery.”

“Where was the letter found?”

“By both men in their office.”

“Couldn’t it just be that he touched it before Doctor Mills?”

“No. We ruled that out. We just have to find out who send it and if he’s involved somehow. There’s a small dinner tonight and I got you in. Before we’ll meet up at my room where you get to meet Doctor Mills and his wife.”

“Alright”, Strike agreed. “Do we still have time to change?”

“Sure. There’s a dress code means a tuxedo and a dress.”

Robin was quite happy she had packed some nice clothes for this case.

“When’s the dinner?”

“At 7pm. We’ll meet up at  6.45pm,  room 143.”

“We’ll be there.”

Wardle thanked them and left again to give them some time before they would start with this case officially. His look wandered to his watch. Only 4.45pm so still two hours left before they’d meet up. Wardle had left them a copy of the case files and Robin picked them up to read them properly while leaning against him. He put an arm around her and sipped on his drink. 

“You know what’s strange?”

He hummed for an answer and had closed his eyes. He was tired and horny. Not a good combination.

“Why would his partner have something to do with it? They know each other for years and since uni. They build up their business and years ago there were threats against Doctor Warren as well. He filed a complaint and the police arrested a young woman who had worked as a secretary for them. Maybe it’s something similar this time?”

“But why now after all  these years ?”, he asked. “And what was the first threat about?”

“ Oh  the young woman threatened to expose her and Warren’s affair they had  by  that time. He broke their relationship up when he met his wife and they fell in love. By this time, they both worked in a different clinic and relationships between co-workers were strictly forbidden.”

“I don’t think this is connected. The threats are completely different now.”

“Hm...”

“You know what? A nap would be nice now”, he mumbled and kissed her neck.

“And a bath”, she said and smiled. “I saw the bathtub. It’s huge.”

He laughed and kissed her cheek softly. He stood up and she took his outstretched hand before he  hel ped  her up.

“What was it you  wanted to  tell me?”, she asked when he led her to the bedroom.

“I tried something new to get my memories back”, he confessed and slipped out of his shoes. 

“What was it?”, she asked quite curious. 

“I headed back to the hospital and the Doctor who took care of me tried some hypnosis.”

“Hypnosis?”

He laughed when he could hear her sceptic tone and smiled. 

“Yeah... I was sceptic as well. But it worked I guess.”

“You remembered something?”

“Bits and pieces. I’m still trying to get it all together and figure out what these snippets mean and where they belong to, but I’m on it. I’m trying Robin. I want back what we had. What we were. I truly do”, he said and held her hands in his. “I love you Robin. I truly do. I’m on it and maybe we’ll figure it out together.”

“I’d like that.  So  tell me, what were these memories about?”

Should he tell her? Now? He thought about it and was about to tell her when it knocked again and he headed to open  once more . Frustrated Robin sighed and started to undress to take a hot bath. It was Wardle again who had some more information about tonight. Another half an hour later, Wardle left again and Strike returned to their bedroom. The view onto the Lake was wonderful and so was the bedroom. The bed was huge and the sheets silky. The colours in the room where warm and earth tones like sa light brown and beige with white and warm red tones. There were fresh roses  on  the table by the window, two comfortable looking armchairs and lots of pillows. He imagined taking Robin right here, silky sheets underneath them, soft moans and touches. He shook the thoughts off and headed to the living room area again. The sofa was also huge and comfortable. He liked it here and was quite happy that it was a bit more separated from the rest of the hotel. He heard Robin in the bathroom and he so wanted to continue their little conversation about his memories. Yet he didn’t . Instead Strike  stayed in the living room and thought about how to do this. How  to  find their suspect? 

It was nearly 6.40pm when both of them headed back to the hotel. Robin wore the green dress he had gave her after the Lula Laundry case and she looked stunning. She had done her hair up and he held her arm while they entered the hotel and made their way upstairs to Wardle’s room. He was not alone. There was a beautiful wom a n with black hair, wearing a golden dress and an elderly guy with slightly grey hair in a tuxedo. Wardle introduced them as Doctor Mills with his wife Elena.

“It’s nice to meet you”, Robin said smiling and they shook hands.

He could see the look the Doctor shot her and he didn’t like it. Wardle told the Doctor all about their plan and he agreed and they talked about their cover while tonight’s dinner. Robin and the Doctor’s wife agreed on meeting for breakfast tomorrow, to perfect their cover and Strike would stay by Mills’ side to get to know the people tonight and for some more insight in this. Wardle and two of his men would watch everyone and look for something suspicious.  

The dinner was boring and Robin just wanted to get back to their room. So was Strike. The talks of the women were dull and they were just about children, benefit galas and charity work. Was this the life of a woman who had a rich guy by her side? Robin couldn’t imagine it. Yes, money made things easier, she knew that but this was dull and boring. How could they do this? Visit one charity ball after the other. One dull evening in the presence of their husbands after the other. Robin excused herself and headed to the toilettes. She needed a moment alone so she locked herself into one of the cubicles when some women entered the room. They chatted by the mirrors about the men present.

“Who’s the new guy?”, one asked.

“Who do you mean?”, a second asked confused.

“You mean the big guy with the black curls who’s with Mills?”, a third wanted to know.

“Yes!”, the first confirmed and refreshed her lipstick in front of the mirror.

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen him before”, the second said. 

“He’s hot”, a fourth said. “I really want to have these big hands on me.”

“You like guys like him?”, the second asked. 

“I do.”

The others laughed and Robin could feel herself blush and getting jealous. Was this how women thought of him in general? She had seen the looks of them, seen those looks quite often before, also on Sarah Porter’s face. And she knew that they had shagged that night and it still made her jealous. 

“His companion is also hot as fuck”, the third said and all laughed while Robin blushed.

“Anyway, apart from her, I wouldn’t mind a good shag with that guy. Have you seen his arse?”

“True that and he looked quite big”, the first said.

Once more Robin blushed. But their talking also aroused her. It was something forbidden and she had wanted  Cormoran  for quite some time now. This didn’t make it better. She felt hot and aroused. Oh dear... 

Worriedly he looked around the room. Robin had been gone for quite some time now and with some maniac on the loose this never was a good sign. He excused himself and headed to the toilettes to look for her when she got out of the lady’s room. She blushed when she saw him and headed straight to him. 

“You okay? I was worried”, he said quietly.

“ Yes  I’m fine I...”

The other women headed outside and past them and Robin heard them laugh and gossip while their eyes lingered on  Strike  for a moment. She knew exactly what this was all about and blushed some more.

“Women’s talk?”, he guessed and laughed when she nodded, blushing some more. “About me?”

“How do you know?”, Robin asked silently and he laughed again. 

“Your look when they eyed me.”

“Oh...”

He laughed and softly kissed her.  Robin escaped a small moan and h e stroke her cheek with his thumb.

“Let’s go back to the others.”


	9. Chapter 9

It was past midnight when they made their way back to their room. The night was full of stars and cold and Robin was tired while she walked beside him in his arms. He guided her upstairs since their room was on the upper floor and let her in with the key card. Robin hung up her coat and got rid of her shoes. 

“Oh gosh... These are killing me”, she mumbled and he smiled, yet he stayed silent for most of the time because he was still in his thoughts.

The people who were around the Doctor and his wife all seemed to be normal and even his friend Doctor Warren seemed to be not the one they were looking for.  So  who was it? Someone who envied him? Someone who was definitely jealous of his life. He needed to find out more about the private life of the doctor. He opened his tie and the first button of his shirt and looked over the files Wardle had got them and that were now  on  the small desk in their living room. 

“ Cormoran ?” He just grumbled for an answer because he was still in his thoughts and Robin smiled. “How can I help you with this case? I feel a bit useless at the moment.”

“You’re not”, he said and looked for some pictures of the staff.

“What are you looking for?”, she said and stepped closer.

“A picture of the staff of their office. I want to investigate his life further. We need more information about the people in his life.”

She started helping him and looking for the picture in another file. A minute later she handed him one with all the staff.

“Thanks”, he said and looked at the picture. “I need information on all of these people. It must be someone from the inside, someone close to the Doctor’s family.”

“And you want to do that tonight?”, she asked and smiled.

“Probably tomorrow”, he said and looked at her, smiling softly.

Robin still wore her dress, hair undone and biting her lip, waiting. She was beautiful and he still wanted her. 

“What do we do instead until tomorrow?”, she asked in a lascivious tone and stepped closer, her hands on his chest, fumbling at the first buttons  of his shirt.

“We could open up a bottle of wine?”, he suggested. 

“And then?”, she asked very quietly and popped the  next  button open.

“A hot bath or shower”, he suggested.

“Alright”, she popped the second button open. “And then?”

“We could head to bed.”

“I like the idea”, she said and  kissed  him softly.

It was a soft touch of her lips against his. Yet he immediately responded. She let go and smiled at him while her hands wandered over his chest. Hungrily he pulled her closer and deepened the kiss. Robin moaned while his hands wandered to the small of her back and pressed her against his body. She could feel that he was hard and laughed softly when their lips parted for a moment to catch their breath. 

“I missed this”, Robin mumbled  and let  her hands slide to his jacket where she stripped it off and let it slide to the ground.

Strike had to admit that he did too, yet he still hesitated. He still wanted to fix things and then do this properly with his memory intact. 

“Stop thinking”, Robin mumbled when she felt that he was distracted.

“But Robin this... Us.... I can’t remember. I don’t want to do this wrong.”

“There’s nothing that could be done wrong here”, she said and kissed him hungrily again. “Just be yourself.”

She shoved  him  in the direction of their bedroom, yet he hesitated and stopped her.

“Wait...”

She looked at Cormoran. He just smiled softly and held her hands.

“This is awfully frustrating”, Robin mumbled and he laughed.

“I’m truly sorry Robin, but not now.”

“Alright”, she agreed and he let go of her hands. “What about our wine then?”

He laughed and kissed her before he headed to the living room area again and ordered a bottle of white wine while he could see Robin change out of her dress. She was good at this. The door to their bedroom was wide open and she directly changed in front of him. He dialled the number for the reception while he continued looking at her. She slipped out of her dress and except for some panties, she wore nothing underneath. She  bend  down and put up the wonderful dress. Strike moaned. Shit, he was rock hard. 

“Reception, how can I help you?”

“Hello, this is Strike from room 13. I’d like to order a bottle of white wine please.”

Robin smiled when she saw the state he was in and that he shamelessly looked at her. Her hair was falling over her breast s  and she wore some black lace panties that gave more away than he had suspected earlier. 

“Sure Sir. We’ll get you the bottle over in about  five  minutes. Do you want anything else?”

He looked at her when she walked to the bathroom, leaving the door open as well. He could hear her humming and the water running. 

“Sir?”, the voice of the  young  woman at the other end said again. “Do you need anything else Sir?”

“No, thank you.”

He hung up and then headed to the bathroom where he hesitated to step in. Gosh she knew exactly what she was doing and Strike knew it, yet the temptation was too strong. He hesitated to go in while he heard her under the shower. It took him some time and just when he wanted to open the door fully and  finally  step in, a knock at the door startled him. Cormoran tried to get a grip and headed to open. 

“Good evening Sir”, a young waiter greeted him and rolled a small cart inside with glasses and a bottle of white wine that was cooled with a bucket of ice cubes. He handed the young man a generous tip and closed the door again when he heard Robin turning off the shower. He opened the bottle and got himself a glass when she stepped outside, just wearing a towel around her naked body.  Oh  dear lord...  Cormoran  gulped and then poured her a glass of the cool wine as well. Their fingers brushed and she smiled innocently. 

“Thanks.”

Her eyes never left his when she took a sip from the cold wine. Strike had to get some space. Tired he sank onto the huge and comfortable looking sofa and took another sip. The wine was good. Not too dry or bloomy, he liked it. He tried to concentrate on tonight’s events again, but Robin interrupted him by getting closer and sitting on his lap. The towel slipped up and covered her barely. She softly moved and  Cormoran  barely stifled a moan. Robin laughed. She had him where  s he wanted him.

“So we have the wine, I had the shower... How about bed then?”

She kissed him softly and then wandered over his stubbles and neck down to his chest. Meanwhile she opened his shirt fully and let her hands wander over the treacherous bulk in his trousers. Just coincidentally of course. He moaned again. When had she become so good at this? For a moment he let her do what she intended to and closed his eyes. 

Robin on his lap, naked and aroused. He had kissed her back while the room they were in was dimly lit. They were in his flat in Denmark Street. Rain. It  had  rained, he realised and suddenly the image was gone again. Fuck! He held her hands and shook his head.

“Stop. Wait...”

“What is it?”, Robin asked when she saw the confusion in his eyes. 

“I... I  remembered  something”, he confessed.

“But that’s good”, she said and smiled, completely forgetting what she had been doing a second ago. “Isn’t it?”, she sounded insecure  when he didn’t answer.

“Maybe... I don’t know. The pieces just don’t fit. I can’t get a full picture.”

She could see how desperate he was to remember what they had. How he wanted to make this right and do this right in every way. The sadness took over and Robin knew that it wasn’t the  best idea  to do go on now. She softly kissed him and got up from his lap. 

“Don’t stay up too long. You need to rest as well.”

He let go of her hand and she headed – with her glass of wine – to their bedroom. She slipped into some pyjama pants and a top and sank into the soft cushions. She wasn’t really tired but yet she knew that he needed some space. She could hear him in the living room area, heading out and returning after a while. Probably to smoke. Papers rustling, wine being poured and then he was here. He stood by the door and looked into the dimly lit room. He held  the glass of wine in one hand and  occasionally  sipped from it,  while he continued looking at her. After a while he stepped closer and put the bottle and the glass on the nightstand by her side before he sat beside her on the bed, taking her hand. 

“I remember snippets from our first night together. Well I presume it was our first night. It had rained. It was cold in my flat. You shivered and sat on my lap, like earlier. Then there’s another snippet when we made love. Sweet and gentle and slow.”

She blushed at his explanation. Robin remembered too. It had indeed been their first night together. After he had nearly been shot during a case. It had rained and they had come home drenched and cold. She smiled softly at him.

“It had been our first night”, Robin confirmed.

He was quite happy that he had got this right and smiled a little. Robin started to play with his fingers and thought about what he had just told her. Apparently, this was more important for him than she had realised before. She knew the Doctor had urged her not to push him so she stayed silent about the details. There was so much more that he had forgotten due to his accident. So much she couldn’t tell him right away because she didn’t want to push him.  Cormoran  stroke her cheek and then leaned in and kissed her softly once more. 

“I love you Robin and you have no clue how much I want you. But please, give me some more time.”

“Alright”, she mumbled at his lips and they continued kissing for a while. 

Once more a knock at the door interrupted them. Cormoran wanted to get up but she pulled him down.

“Please don’t...”

“What if it’s Wardle?”, he mumbled by her lips.

“Then he’ll have to wait for tomorrow.”

Strike laughed and let his fingers slip under her top where he caressed her stomach and wandered down to her lap. She moaned. It knocked again and he sighed and let go of her. Aroused Robin sank back into the soft cushions while he headed to open, discretely closing the door to the bedroom behind him. Like he had suspected it was Wardle. The DI scrutinized him and then smiled at the state of his rumbled clothes and ruffled hair.

“Don’t”, Strike warned him and Wardle stayed silent about what he wanted to say and immediately talked about the case instead.


End file.
